


Coffee Cups and Lipstick Stains

by marissalyn14



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Childhood Sweethearts, F/F, Fluff, Gilmore Girls AU, Hollstein - Freeform, LaFerry - Freeform, Other, Smut, Sweet Home Alabama AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-28
Updated: 2017-10-07
Packaged: 2018-05-09 23:38:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 27,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5560249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marissalyn14/pseuds/marissalyn14
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After knowing each other since they were five and dating throughout high school as the "it" couple of Silas High, everyone thought that Carmilla and Laura would be together forever. That is until Laura decides that what she wants isn't in the small town of Silas and Carmilla feels chained to that exact place. Five years later without a single word spoken between the two Laura is forced to return to Silas to get her wife to sign the divorce papers she had previously refused to sign so she could marry her fiancee, hot shot lawyer Danny Lawrence. What Laura didn't expect when she came back was to fall in love with her wife all over again with her fiancee in the same town as her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Coming Home Is Not the Same as Leaving

You liked the taste of your coffee bitter. Not black, but with just a small touch of cream. 

You supposed taking the time to actually describe this to anyone would be a complete waste of time when you could just so easily make it yourself. 

You never told anyone how you took your coffee. 

It would be a complete waste of time. 

“Coffee today, Mr. Grenville?” You asked as you approached the elderly man’s preferred table in the back corner of the diner. 

“Not today Carmilla sweetheart, too much caffeine would do poorly for my heart and you know how Betty is about keeping me healthy.” He says in this friendly warm voice you’ve learned he only saves for the people he trusts. 

“Well I think I can understand wanting to keep the Mrs. happy.” You say as you set the pot of coffee down on the end of the table and pull out a memo pad from your back pocket. “What can I get for you?” You ask as you ready a pen to write down his order. 

“Just a plain bagel with cream cheese today.” He says before adding, “And a glass of orange juice please.” 

You smile at him before nodding your head and quickly writing it down before telling him it would be ready for him soon. 

Getting other people coffee started out as a ritual. Every morning since you were fourteen you could remember coming downstairs and starting the coffee machines exactly fifteen minutes before the diner would open. Your father would give you two dollars for every machine (there were four) and would teach you how to manage your money to roll it into next week’s pay. 

You really missed him sometimes. 

What you didn’t miss though were the fights he would have with your mother late at night once the rest of the town was in bed. More often than not you would sleep over at Laura’s so they wouldn’t wake you. 

Laura. 

You shake your head. You only allowed yourself to think about her at a maximum of five times a day and even that was too much. 

It was eight am and you had already thought about her twice. 

To busy yourself you checked on all of the occupied tables for fresh refills of coffee before returning behind the counter to start another pot. 

You hear the bell above the door ding alerting you of another customer as you measure out the coffee and water. Hearing them settle down at the bar behind you, you grab a mug beneath the counter and turn to set it down in front of them but drop it instead. 

Normally the sound of a cup falling and breaking against the tile floor wouldn’t alert so many eyes, but because it was early and there were only a few tables full, everyone turned to look. 

You didn’t even hesitate when you said her name, “Laura.”

xXx

Home was a foreign word to you.

It was foreign because you hadn’t been home in five years. Mostly because you felt like you shouldn’t, or rather couldn’t. Because Silas was as much yours as it was _hers_. In fact it was more hers because she stayed. She stayed and you didn’t and nothing could be changed and at this point in your life you don’t think you wanted it to. 

You were only here to fulfill an obligation. The last piece of her that she still had holding you back. It hadn’t been all that surprising when your lawyer told you the divorce papers had never been signed. That Carmilla failed to even show up to the meeting with her own lawyer over a year ago. Yours thought you knew. You needed a new lawyer. 

Silas hadn’t changed a bit. Not since the day you left and knew you weren’t coming back. It had been selfish of you sure, to not to tell your wife that you weren’t planning on coming home. That your one-month trip would soon turn into several months and then a year and then multiple years. You hadn’t wanted to hurt her, but it seemed like it was your best option next to giving up everything you had ever wanted since you were a kid. It wasn’t your fault Carmilla felt guilty about her father’s death and it certainly wasn’t your fault when she fell and broke her wrist and lost every single one of her scholarships that would place her in New York with you. 

You really thought you would be able to come back and work on your reports digitally but it wasn’t what you wanted and once you were there and shown your temporary office, you never wanted to leave. 

You figured you could work something out, have the long and never ending argument with Carmilla about moving to New York and letting her little brother take over the diner. Carmilla’s excuse was that he’d burn the coffee. You knew her real reason was because she was afraid of change and the big uncertainties that the future held. After all, she always hated surprises. She’d always tickle you until you told her what all of her gifts were for her birthday and Christmas. 

Thinking about that now though only sent your stomach into knots. Knots you convinced yourself were present because you had no way of calling her to tell her you would be taking her up on her ultimatum. You were returning home to get her to sign the divorce papers she had no doubt thrown out every single time your lawyer had sent them to her. 

After all you couldn’t marry Danny until you and Carmilla were divorced. 

You met Danny after two years at the independent newspaper. She had been one of the lawyers you looked into when you were originally looking to get a divorce. Clearly you had really looked into her because your meeting with her turned into dinner, which turned into sleeping together and you had to find another lawyer to handle your divorce because Danny was clearly the inappropriate option now. 

You have been dating Danny for three years and the entire time you had thought you were divorced. 

When Danny proposed to you two weeks ago you found out that what you previously believed to be true couldn’t have been further from the actual truth and you were calling Carmilla’s lawyer the following morning. 

What you got from him was that Carmilla apparently knew this day would come where you would actually find out and already had a response laid out for you- if you wanted a divorce you would have to come back to Silas and hand deliver the papers yourself. 

So back in Silas you were, standing in front of Karnstein’s diner and parking in front of Silas High. Nothing could be more gut wrenching than this.

xXx

You knew you couldn’t be imagining this. Laura was sitting in front of you with the most pissed off face she could manage after not seeing you in five years. You knew you couldn’t be imagining this because she had a scar that you had never seen before over her left eyebrow. In your dreams there was no scar.

Next to her sat Alaric Hollis, who you immediately turned to instead of staring dumbly at your wife, because that’s still technically what she was to you, and started pouring coffee. Your father in law had always been like a second father to you so you had no trouble at all ignoring Laura and starting up a conversation with him about the Yankees. 

You knew you were pissing her off but it had always been one of your most favorite past times ever since you were kids. But she no longer had pigtails for you to pull or a Barbie doll to steal and burry in the yard. Now all you had was your doomed marriage to hang over her head. If she wanted you to sign those papers she had to work for it. After all you weren’t just going to hand over the last piece of her that was rightfully yours without a little fun first. 

“I know what you’re doing.” She said after you took Ric’s order and turned to her only because if you didn’t you would be ignoring a customer. 

“What can I get for you?” You ask her instead of taking the bait. You knew how she worked, how she antagonized you. It was just like when she hid your scooter after all of her Barbie’s went missing, or the time you accidentally hit her with a water balloon full of paint from the upstairs balcony and instead of crying she tackled you and made sure that the shirt you were wearing had to be thrown out. Laura always met you toe to toe and you weren’t about to let her get ahead. Not on this one. 

Laura however looked about as red as a tomato. Clearly she had somehow forgotten how you reacted to things, that or she was too busy with her head up her ass to remember. “We need to talk.”

“Can’t right now, I’m working.” You say before asking her again what she wants. 

“For you to sign the damn papers.” She bites out.

You fight a smirk, as you say, “Nothing it is then, let me know if you change your mind.”

You turn on your heal and go to hand Mr. Grenville his bagel when you hear Laura shout something at you, “I’m engaged.” You froze in your steps before quickly moving over to drop off the food. 

So maybe you didn’t know her as well as you used to.

xXx

You watch Carmilla hesitate for just a second before continuing to walk away. Sighing heavily you slip off of your stool and leave the diner, ignoring your father’s comforting words that Carmilla would listen to you once she had already taken in the fact that you were home. Because that’s how she worked, she had always taken to things as if they were math problems. She needed to see the big picture before handling the smaller issues. You didn’t care though; you had things to do and a life to get back to. You couldn’t be playing this game with her forever. That part of your life was over, you just needed Carmilla to know that so she could sign the papers and you could leave.

You figured once you were officially divorced you could stop thinking about her five times a day. It was beginning to exhaust you entirely.


	2. Middle, Beginning, End

Seven Years Ago

“You’re lucky you’re cute.” Carmilla said as you sat across from her on the floor in between the coffee table and couch. 

“And why’s that?” You asked raising a brow as you picked up the die to roll across the game board. 

“Because you’re fucking cheating.” Carmilla said matter-of-factly as she watched you closely as you counted out your spaces on the board before placing your small thimble on the chance square. 

You look up offended, “I’m not cheating!” 

Carmilla smirks that dumb smirk that always drove you mad as she shrugged, “Takes one to know one I suppose.” 

“You’re cheating too?” You asked confused, letting slip that you were in fact reading the die wrong almost every single time you rolled it.

Carmilla grabbed for the die as she eyed you suspiciously, “Only to keep up with you.”

You roll your eyes as you pick up a chance card before executing exactly as the card said just to prove that you were in fact _not_ cheating and hoping Carmilla didn’t catch your previous admittance, even though you knew for a fact that she did. She never missed a single word you said; it was why you liked her best. 

“Oh that reminds me,” Carmilla said as she let the die drop from her hand and stood to her feet. “We never ate our fortune cookies from dinner.”

“And how did monopoly remind you of that exactly?” You asked as you watched her walk back into the kitchen. She ignored you just as you’d expected. You watched the doorway to the kitchen as you quickly and stealthily moved your thimble around the board once before placing it back in its original spot so you could collect the extra twenty dollars you would need to buy Pennsylvania Avenue. 

Carmilla returned shortly after your illegal board game havoc, sitting back down where she was originally sat and smiled at you knowingly before tossing one of the fortune cookies your way. 

You ripped open the plastic and cracked your cookie in half to get to the fortune. It was always you’re favorite part of the small treat. You held up the fortune to read it before screwing your face up in confusion before feeling your face take over in complete shock. Looking up quickly at Carmilla your mouth dropped open to find her holding a small black box in the palm of her hand. 

“Are you serious?” You found yourself asking. Carmilla seriously just proposed to you by way of fortune cookie. 

“I knew I wanted to marry you the moment you left for New York.” Carmilla shrugged as she shifted up onto one knee. “I just knew that if you ever came back I would only get one shot at this and I wanted it to be the more normal thing we had. This Chinese Tuesday was my safest bet.” Suddenly she was looking anywhere except you. “I want to eat Chinese food with you every Tuesday for the rest of my life Laura, and call me an idiot but it’s as simple as that. I love you and I want to keep loving you for as long as you’ll let me and honestly if you walked out that door right now, I don’t think I’d ever stop.” 

With a shaky hand Carmilla opened the box to reveal a diamond ring that you knew for a fact was her grandmother’s. She showed you one day during dress up when you were both ten. She said that it was being saved for her and it was special. You believed her then and you especially believed her now.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m all in Laura. Whatever you’ll give me, I’ll take it and make it ours. Will you marry me?”

XxX

Present Day

You stared at the shadow box with the dumb fortune inside. You couldn’t believe that she hadn’t ripped it from the wall and smashed it into a million shards of glass. You know you would have. 

Below it were pictures of the two of you on your wedding day and a few from before then. One of the two of you at your high school graduation, Carmilla’s arm wrapped around your shoulders as you both stared at the camera as if it was interrupting a private moment. One taken right after the championship of your junior year softball game where Carmilla was offered a scholarship at Florida State and accepted the one from Cornell just so she could be close to you when you went to NYU. Maybe that had been a sign when she declined the scholarship to one of the best colleges for softball just because she loved you. 

You left her even though she wouldn’t follow you.

The last picture was the two of you when you were ten years old, a secret photo that Vince Karnstein had snapped when you weren’t looking in both of your mom’s wedding dresses. 

You had been there for each other through it all. Your mom’s death, her dad’s death, through braces and the awkward crushes on boys phase before you both realized you were gay. Everything. You were each other’s everything. 

“How’d you get in here?” 

You jumped at the additional voice in the room. You didn’t hear anyone come in. Turning slowly to face Carmilla you shrugged, “I hid the spare key remember?” You had seen her earlier in the day, but you were too angry to take all of her in. Just like your house with her, she hadn’t changed one bit since the last time you saw her five years ago. She still wore the too big flannels and the faded baseball cap her father gave her when she was twelve. And yet she was still so breathtaking. You wished you could take her to court on the accusation that she made it hard for you to breathe. Ask for all the air she stole from you back. Maybe they would diagnose you with a disease only a Karnstein could spread. 

“I didn’t think you’d come back.” Carmilla said as she moved around the room, placing her keys in the bowl on the kitchen island and her shoes by the back door. 

You really wished you could stay in the moment all of the pictures held. You really wished you didn’t have to have this fight you flew home to have. “And what, just stay married to you?” You asked bitterly. She may have been all of the things you thought she was only a few moments ago, but she was still the wife you wanted, no _needed_ to divorce. 

Carmilla bowed her head as if chuckling as she made her way over to the fridge to pull out a beer. “Well excuse me for actually believe in your vows.” Cracking open the bottle she also let slip, “You should have put a warning label that they were only temporary.” 

You rolled your eyes as you caught the shadow box in the corner of your eye. “Why don’t you take all of this down if you hate me so much?” 

Carmilla turned to face you, leaning against the kitchen island, “Who said I hated you?” There was a moment where you thought you could see what you always saw when she looked at you before, but it disappeared just like you knew it would. 

“I’ll be staying at my dad’s place.” You said as you moved towards the door. “I’ll be by the diner again tomorrow.”

Carmilla watched you silently as you left. Just like she did five years ago

XxX

Three Years Ago

“So what, this is it?” Carmilla asked from her side of the call. She sounded sad and scared. You really wished you didn’t have to do this but you didn’t see anyway around this. You weren’t coming back and you needed to tell her that. She wasn’t willing to come to New York with you and you needed to do what was best for yourself. You knew if you stayed in Silas you wouldn’t be happy and you would grow to resent not only yourself but Carmilla as well. You were saving both of you the pain in the future; it would just take some time for both of you to see it that way. 

“This is it.” You said fighting back the tears you could hear in Carmilla’s voice. She needed to know you would be all right. You knew she would be, she had Will and she had the diner. She would be ok. 

“But I just got you back.” Carmilla whispered through the phone. You knew this to be true, you should have never come home, should have never promised her a forever you weren’t willing to keep. But you did and you had to deal with the consequences of breaking said promises. 

“I’m sorry.” You said biting your lip. You didn’t know what else to say. You had been debating this for months. You couldn’t go back on it now, not when you were standing in your new apartment and looking out at the city below you. You couldn’t go back and pretend that you didn’t leave everything you had ever wanted behind. You already did that once. She was on the other line fighting the urge to sob into your ear. 

You had talked about her visiting or you visiting, but weekend trips weren’t enough to keep a marriage alive. 

“Maybe we can email each other in a couple of weeks and see where we stand.” Carmilla said. “I’m not giving up on us. There’s got to be a way to make this work.”

You felt tears begin to slip down your cheeks as you shook your head. “There aren’t any. Not unless you move out here with me and I know you don’t want that. I can’t make you want that.”

“Maybe I can give William the diner, he always said he would take it over if I died. He always said it jokingly but if he knew why I’d be giving it to him I think he would.” Carmilla said hurriedly. She was afraid your call would be over soon and she would have resolved nothing except for a goodbye from it.

You felt your heart split open even wider in your chest as you heard Carmilla willingly give up the one thing she loved that wasn’t you.

“I can go to physical therapy like we talked about and maybe I can get on the field again. I can change Laura. I can be the girl you fell in love with again. I promise, I love you enough to promise you that.”

You let out a shaky breath as you clenched your eyes shut and whispered, “No.” 

“No?”

“I don’t want you to give up the diner. I don’t want you to be someone you aren’t anymore just to make me happy.” You said slowly. 

“Then what do you want? Tell me what it is and I can make it happen.” 

“I want you to be happy without me.” 

“That’s not possible.” Carmilla said, “You’re my everything. How can I be happy with you on the other side of the country saying goodbye to me?”

“You’ll be happy again.” You said. “We both will be.” 

“No. No, no, no, no, no.” Carmilla said, her tone harsh. “You can’t just do this. I get a say in what happens to us. You don’t get to do this by yourself.”

“I’m not happy in Silas Carm, and you wouldn’t be happy here.” You rubbed at your eyes so you could see. “There’s nothing else we can do.”

“There’s got to be something Laura. I’m not just going to let you walk out on our marriage. Not like this. Not with both of us crying and hurting.”

“Would you rather me be happy to tell you I’m giving up?” You asked. “Would you rather me say I love someone else?” You heard her breathing catch as you quickly shook your head. “Cause neither is true.” Looking back out at the setting sun you said with finality in your tone, “I may have always cheated during game night, but I’m not a liar.” When she didn’t respond you closed your eyes and whispered a silent ‘I love you’ before saying, “Goodbye, Carmilla.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm crying too


	3. Familiar Ground

“So she’s home huh?” LaFontaine asked from where they stood behind the counter drying off a dish. 

You sighed heavily before tossing back what remained in your tumbler. “I’m going to need another if we’re going to talk about her.”

“You know you could have avoided all of this if you had just signed those papers.” LaF said before moving out from behind the counter and sitting down on a stool beside you. 

“That’s shit and you know it.” You said. “It’s Laura, she would have found her way back into my life just like she did when she came back the first time.”

LaF nodded their head. They knew you were right. You have always been right about Laura. That is until recently. 

“Hey LaF.”

“Yeah?”

“Did you know Laura was engaged?” You asked unsure. You think they would’ve told you if they had, but you wanted to know for sure. 

LaF’s brow raised in surprise as they shook their head, “Perry and I haven’t spoken to Laura since she left, you know that.” 

You shrugged, turning back to glare down at the lingering drop of whiskey in your glass. “I know.” 

“Do you know who it is?” LaF asked.

“No, but according to Ric she’s coming down next week.” 

“You planning on meeting her?” 

You chuckle lightly before shaking your head and setting your glass back down. “No.”

LaF watched as you stood from your stool and slid into your coat. “And why’s that?”

“Cause I’ll break her fucking nose.”

xXx

The following morning you saw Laura for the third time since she had returned home. She was standing on the step leading into the diner when you got there to unlock the door and start the coffee machines. 

“Can I help you?” You asked as you fished the keys out of your pocket. The diner was just a few short blocks from your house, you didn’t see the point in driving your pickup to work and waste the gas. 

“Sign the papers.” Laura said with a bite in her tone as if it was somehow your fault she was up at five in the morning on a Sunday. 

You chuckled lightly as you ignored her completely, stepping around her to unlock the door. You heard her follow you inside. “Sorry, the diner isn’t open for another half hour.” You said over your shoulder.

“Very funny.” Laura said as she followed you all the way back into the kitchen. You couldn’t believe the audacity she had. It was as if time hadn’t passed at all and it was still the first couple of years you had spent with her as her wife. She would wake up and walk with you every morning claiming she couldn’t sleep alone in the bed anyways. Your heart pulled at the memory of her still in her flannel pajamas sitting across from you at the bar as you poured her a mug of coffee. That was until she stopped coming with you at all. You thought it was just her getting bored of watching you work, that sleep was a mistress no one could turn away just as you had insisted for years. 

You should have known it was an early sign of her unhappiness. After all you never got bored of watching her work on her laptop or ramble on about the news and pop culture at the dinner table. You had never grown bored of her, not in the five years she was home, and unfortunately now you still felt yourself grow excited with her company. 

“Coffee?” You asked her as she made herself comfortable at the bar. You ignored the fact that she was fully dressed in jeans and a button down. 

“Sure.” Laura avoided your eyes as she stared down at her hands. You noticed she didn’t even have the papers with her. You found it funny that she thought you still had the ones that were sent to you. In actuality you had lit them on fire as you sat back and watched the ashes blow away in your backyard, drowning your sorrows in cheap beer and 80s hair bands. 

You poured her a cup and slid the mug over to her as you watched her drink half of it in one go. You shook your head in distaste; she always drank too much coffee insisting you made it best when you know she liked the local Starbucks just as much. You figured it was a lovely lie; one made because you love someone and want them to be happy. But your coffee making skills weren’t necessarily the same as telling someone they looked fat in a particular dress and it certainly didn’t keep you from telling her that seven cups of coffee in one day was too many.

“So, the papers.” Laura started, looking up at you this time behind her unfairly long lashes, her cheeks rosy and her lips red from drinking something hot. You really wished you didn’t notice these things, it made her words break your heart even more. 

You raised a brow before shaking your head. “Not going to happen.” 

Laura grew visibly angry at your insistence in telling her no. You had never been so determined in that word before with her. You would have broken your back to give her what she wanted. It was different now though. She wanted to say goodbye and you weren’t ready just yet. You wanted one last shot at whatever it was you had left. 

“You can’t just say no Carm, I have every right to a divorce just as much as you have the right to do whatever the hell it is you’re doing.” Laura said angrily. 

You turned away from her to turn on all of the machines before leaning on the counter in front of her. She used to kiss you when you did that. Now she just glared at you. “I’ll die before you get me to sign those papers.” You clipped out.

Laura rolled her eyes, something she had learned from you as a kid. 

“Not actually because that would be a long time to not have sex.” You said before once again turning away from her.

It was suddenly so quiet in the diner except for the sound of the coffee being made that you heard her suck in a surprised breath. “You mean you haven’t?” She asked you and you wanted to cry. You honest to god wanted to drop to your knees behind the counter and let it all go. Sometimes Laura just made things harder by not realizing how much she meant to you. 

“I’m married remember?” You said bitterly as you held up your left hand before realizing LaF had made you take your ring off last week. Your hand was bare where a huge rock lay on hers. It made you sick to your stomach and jealousy burn in the back of your throat. You were only able to give her your grandmother’s ring which you thought was sentimental and perfect at the time and so did Laura, but now you weren’t so sure. Maybe you would have been able to get her to stay if you had more money, if you hadn’t broken your wrist, if you were a better woman than you were.

Laura looked away from you as she slid off of her stool, her coffee unfinished. “I have to go.” She said hastily, turning towards the door as you noticed one of her hands lift to swipe briefly at her face. 

“I’ll see you tonight for dinner then?” You called out to her before she could leave. 

She froze in the door way before looking over her shoulder, eyes red, to look at you dumbly. “Excuse me?”

“Sunday dinners with Ric.” It had been a tradition for as long as you could remember. Laura clearly was only thinking back on it now. She didn’t know you kept to that weekly ritual even after she left. 

Without another word passed between the two of you Laura was gone and you were left with a heavy ache in your chest and the smell of burnt coffee.

xXx

Stepping up onto the porch of Ric’s house had never made you so nervous. You weren’t exactly sure why you were so afraid of what was behind the front door you now stood in front of, but you were sure it had something to do with Laura no doubt ready to shove a pile of legal papers in your face. You knew Ric wasn’t going to take either of your side because he loved you both too much to choose. At least you knew that he would be a long time friend and father figure even if you and Laura never made it.

You thought about knocking on the door before going inside or better yet wait for Ric to answer it with a confused look on his face because you never knocked, but instead chose to do what you always did which was just go inside and head straight to the fridge for a beer, Laura would love that. Which is exactly why you knew you had to do it.

“Afternoon Ric.” You said while passing him in the hallway. You were both heading to the kitchen, he was no doubt going to get started on the steak he had been excited about earlier on in the week when he bought it. While Laura was gone you had both stuck to a red meat diet on Sundays. 

“Hey Carmilla.” He greeted you cheerily as he always did, not much could upset the man, which put you at ease. It usually meant that you both weren’t going to get angry or upset at the same time, unless it involved baseball. 

You opened the beer you had made a beeline to get. You didn’t want to get shit-faced tonight simply for the fact that Laura would be down shortly you could only assume and you would be glared at all night, but you didn’t necessarily want to be sober either. That’s the thing about Laura- she drove you crazy. 

You watched Ric for a moment as he pulled out the meat from the fridge and began seasoning it. That was the thing you liked most about him, he was a one-track mind just like yourself. A lot of times you both didn’t talk at all, instead you enjoyed one another’s company in silence with good beer. 

“How’re Perry and LaF?” Ric asked you as he worked.

You shrugged and took a swig from your bottle. “The same. How’s the station?”

“The same.” Ric repeated your words as he looked over at you to smile. 

Ric had been chief of the police station ever since the last one retired when you were fifteen. Laura didn’t take to it right away because he was gone more and you became her tear kisser just as much as her hand holder. She once told you that you could be a professional you were so good at loving her. You had believed her too.

“Hey dad, I’m going to head out for a little while.” Laura called out as she walked down the stairs, the third one from the bottom creaking like it always had. She froze when she saw you standing next to her father in the kitchen, looking between the two of you trying to assess the situation. “I didn’t hear the doorbell, I assumed you weren’t going to show.” 

You raised a brow, the bored look on your face only growing. “I said I was coming didn’t I?” You wanted to add that you never broke promises unlike her but decided that went without saying by the anger that flared up in her eyes, “On second thought, I think I’m gonna stay.”

xXx

Dinner wasn’t as bad as you expected. Laura seemed to play nice for the sake of her father who sat between you. He kept the conversation sturdy as he talked to you about the diner and the upcoming baseball game on Wednesday while also keeping Laura occupied with stories of the newspaper. The fiancée, fortunately for you, was left out of it.

Laura offered to clean the dishes while Ric went outside to call the station to check up on the new officer that had started the previous week. You helped clear the table before handing them to Laura who was already at the sink, startling her. 

“I thought you had gone outside.” She said in explanation as you silently watched her scrub off a plate. 

“Here,” You said as you held out your hand for the now clean plate to dry it. 

Laura stared dumbly for a moment before whispering thanks.

You nodded as you put the plate away, holding your hand out for the next one.

When there was nothing left to wash or dry you pulled two bottles of beer out of the fridge and handed one to her. She normally didn’t drink, or at least she didn’t use to, but it had been a long day for both of you.

She followed you out onto the back porch as you took your old spot on the step and fixed your eyes on the moon that was half hidden behind the trees. It only took a minute for Laura to sit down next to you.

Something in you had ached the moment you saw her at your diner the day before. An old wound reopening as she sat across from you at the dinner table, a twitch in your hand as she sat beside you. It was silent except for the crickets chirping in the grass and the muffled sound of Ric talking on the front porch. 

“I’m sorry for pushing you earlier.” Laura said first. She sounded unsure and a tad worried about what she might say.

You shrugged, “You’re angry.”

“So are you.” 

Sighing you took a gulp of beer, swallowing it with a hiss. “That I am.” An idea was beginning to form in your head as you waited for her to tell you why she had more a right to be angry, because as righteous as Laura was she also had the tendency to only understand one side of the kaleidoscope. 

“I’m not going to apologize for what happened.” She chose to say and it didn’t surprise you. Laura never apologized unless she deemed it absolutely necessary, just like you. 

“I wasn’t waiting for you to.”

“Good.” Laura said before taking a small sip from her own bottle. “Because I’m happy.”

You blinked, pushing aside the flare up of jealousy in your hands. “I’m glad.” You said instead of your first instinct to tell her how you actually felt. You _were_ glad she was happy, but you still wished it was you that made her that way. Not some hotshot lawyer who you were no doubt going to end up meeting. 

“So I’m sure you want me out of here as fast as possible,” Laura said as she shifted on the step, unmistakably moving closer to you for warmth in the chilly night air, “but Danny’s court case has been pushed back for another week.”

You flinched at the name. You didn’t want to know the woman’s name because it actually made her a person. It made her more real. You refused to look over at Laura like you know she was currently doing and instead stared harder at the moon. 

“She really wants to meet my dad and everyone.” Laura said and you didn’t know why she was telling you this. You knew the woman didn’t want to meet you, if you were her you wouldn’t. 

Your idea was becoming more apparent though in your head. You now had two weeks to develop it. Bouncing your knee suddenly as you set the empty beer bottle beside you on the porch, you decided to go with it. What more could you lose anyway? You already lost the most important thing in your life. You were flirting with borrowed time and you damn well were going to snatch it up as your own. “I have a proposition for you.” You said suddenly after the silence began to settle between you both.

Laura screwed her face up in confusion; a bit wary as she asked you just what exactly you had in mind.

“You spend the next two weeks getting to know me again, and by the time the lawyer shows up you can tell me you don’t love me anymore. If that’s the case I’ll sign those papers and you’ll never hear from me again.” It hurt to think that that last part was a possibility. You were going to try your hardest to make sure it didn’t happen.

Laura nodded, no doubt thinking it was easy enough. “Ok.” You knew she would take the bait. She could never back down from a challenge.

“Deal?” You asked, holding out your hand to shake.

Laura took yours in hers and shook, “Deal.”

The soft familiarity of her hand only confirmed how utterly fucked you were.


	4. Wishful Thinking

The deal you made with Laura was still clear in your mind when you woke up the following morning with a hangover and the feeling of your gut lying somewhere between your ankles. Your memory was hazy after you shook hands to solidify the deal, probably because you thought it was a good idea to have a fourth beer on a weeknight, which lead to another, and quite possibly to two more if the pounding behind your eyes had anything to say about it.

You were in your own bed though, which was a relief. All you needed was to have woken up in someone else’s, if not Laura’s, to set off a chain of events you would never hear the end of..

Rolling over to look at your alarm clock though you nearly fell out onto the cold hardwood floor at the time. It was 10am. The diner was supposed to have opened four and a half hours ago. Quickly clambering out of the bed you pulled your jeans back on that had been thrown vicariously onto the floor and the flannel that had been hanging off of your desk chair as you threw your hair up into a ponytail and covered it with a hat on your way out.

Jogging the two blocks it took to get to the diner, you found yourself completely gob-smacked at the fact that the diner was open and filled with its usual day-to-day customers. Opening the door and heading inside you found a familiar brunette behind the counter filling out a phone order. She looked up at you as you moved behind the counter and around her to fill any of the coffee cups belonging to the people sitting nearby.

“And then Aurora awakens from her deep beautiful slumber and graces the public with her face and diligent work once more.” The brunette called out to you from where she still stood, phone now face down on the countertop in front of her.

You rolled your eyes as you set the coffee pot back in its rightful place. “Very funny, Ell.” You stood next to her now, hand resting on the countertop close enough to hers that your fingertips were touching. “What’re you doing here anyways?”

“Oh you know, saving the day as per usual.” Ell said casually as her eyes flicked from your eyes down to your lips and then back up again. 

You squinted your eyes at her to give her a look to prove just how much you believed that statement before she shrugged; “Ric called and said that the diner wasn’t open when he drove by heading to work.” 

Nodding, your eyes flicked down to your hand as you moved it purposefully away from Ell’s, thinking of Ric made you think of Laura which then made you think that this whole thing you had with Ell was what it originally was, just two friends that flirted sometimes over coffee or cheep beer when one or both of you felt lonely. “Of course.” You said because Ric was always looking out for you, plus he knew Ell would drive over and open the place because she was the only one aside from Laura that knew where the spare key was.

And then you were reminded once again about Laura. That was twice in three minutes, possibly four if you really wanted to stretch the longevity of time and space. Either way it was getting out of hand. You didn’t want to get your hopes up too fast and just expect that Laura was going to fall in love with you again, after all she did fall out of love with you to begin with.

As you looked back into Ell’s eyes you only saw warmth, something that had been missing from your life for quite some time now. She reminded you of Laura, which is why you flirted with her in the first place. She reminded you of all of the old things Laura used to do, the chip in their front teeth similar and the freckles across their noses almost identical. What Ell couldn’t be though was the person to replace Laura. No one would be a good enough replacement to fill the cracks in your heart with cement that didn’t smell and feel like Laura. Only the person responsible for the cracks could fit the mold. 

“So do you think you’ve got things covered here? I’ve got to get ready to head over to the studio.” Ell said, interrupting your inner monologue. 

“Yeah, yeah I’ve got it.” You said, taking the rag that Ell now had beneath her hand and beginning to wipe off the counter yourself. 

Ell nodded, giving you a small smile as she moved back around to the front of the counter and gave you a two-fingered salute, telling you she’d see you later. 

“Hey Ell.” You called out to her, waiting for her to turn around to face you with a quizzical look.

“Thanks.” You said, biting your lip and looking away from her and out the front windows that looked out across the street. The sidewalk was already filled with people walking to and from their cars, weaving in and around one another and into stores and offices nearby. 

“Of course,” Ell said, opening the door and waiting for the bell above it to chime, “anytime.”

You nodded with an awkward smile and waited for her to leave, letting out a large breath and making a point to try and get rid of all of the newly placed coffee rings to occupy your wandering mind. 

Ell had been there for you since you had met her three years ago, around the same time you got the divorce papers in the mail. She found you plastered on the street, just outside of the bar you were kicked out of after last call. You could barely see straight and at first you thought Laura had dyed her hair brown and was coming to rub it in your face that she no longer loved you. At the same time though you thought she might also be willing to rip up the papers and cry into your shoulder about how it all was just a giant mistake. 

Boy had you been wrong. 

Ell had been watching you from across the bar the entire night, worried about the ratio of your intake of whiskey to loneliness. She offered to drive you home. You knew she couldn’t have been Laura because Laura’s voice was lighter, filled with more volume; her words not as lilted or blunt. Your Laura was sweet and generous and polite and whomever this person was that was standing in front of you, you did not know them. They sounded similar to you and maybe that is why you didn’t fuck her. Maybe it was because you were trashed and this person who later left you a note with their name, didn’t have a taste for drunk and miserable women. 

Ell had left you a completely platonic note saying that the next time you wanted to get drunk, you now had someone to do that with. It was a friendship, something you very well needed at that point in your life. You couldn’t keep going to Ric to talk about his daughter, it wasn’t right, and now you no longer had to. Now you found solace in a woman who grew to love you and yet deserved so much better than a woman still caught up in her soon to be ex wife. You caught yourself time to time wondering if you could move on from Laura and date Ell, but that only made you drink and think even more.

xXx

You woke up with a soreness between your eyes and an ache in your back, realizing you had fallen asleep on the couch in your father’s living room rather than your old twin bed that creaked when you put weight onto it.

Rubbing the sleep out of your eyes, you sat up slowly so as not to give yourself any larger of a headache and checked the time on the cable box. Sighing heavily you ignored the fact that it was one in the afternoon and stood to wobbly feet and set yourself off into the kitchen to make yourself a cup of coffee. You were never able to make a perfect cup of coffee, at least not like Carmilla could, but you were willing to settle for less than. Especially right now when you were in dire need of caffeine and two advil. 

As you poured the water into the coffee machine and waited for it to heat up, you leaned back against the counter and tried to recall the night before. Carmilla had come over for dinner, just as you learned she had every Sunday for the past five years while you were in New York. She even helped you clean up after dinner, because that’s just the type of person she was. It drove you nuts, how she could still be the better person even when you knew deep down inside she probably wanted to scream and cry and everything in between. 

All because of you. 

All because you, she was still trying to make you love her as if you didn’t already. Those feelings were gone though, they had been for quite some time now and you hated that you were here giving her false hope. A false hope that would be ripped out from under her like a ratty old rug the moment Danny arrived two weeks from now. 

You just wished you hadn’t agreed to that deal. If it weren’t for your ego getting in the way, you could’ve spared not only Carmilla’s but your feelings as well.

xXx

You couldn’t believe you had proposed that deal. Everything inside of you was screaming at you; your heart cursing you for making her go through it again, and your brain shaking her head at your naivety. Your gut however was still a tad bit woozy from the previous night and your head was still throbbing between your ears.

You made another trip around to all the tables making sure everyone was taken care of, refilling empty coffee mugs and water glasses, a mindless task that kept you on your feet and your mind numbed. It was a blessing compared to the chaos that you would face the moment you locked up and went home to an empty house. 

The bell chimed above the front door and you didn’t bother to look, knowing that it would be either Phyllis or George, your usual customers on a Monday afternoon. 

Quickly grabbing the towel that was stuffed in your back pocket to wipe up a coffee spill on a table, you turned at the sound of the phone ringing and made your way back towards the counter where you had left it. 

“Karnstein’s Diner.” You answered, grabbing a mug from beneath the counter to place in front of the newly sat customer in front of you. “Coffee?” You asked them, moving the phone away from your mouth as you asked. 

“Sure.” 

You nodded, turning to grab a fresh pot as you continued to talk to the person on the phone who was asking about your non-existent party trays. “I’m sorry sir, but we don’t have party trays.” A beat, “Well I guess I could make a few for you, when do you need them?” Quickly making a mental note of two days from now, you quickly asked what kind of baked goods and assured him that they would be ready by Thursday before hanging up. 

“Sorry about that.” You said to the customer as you turned back with the coffee pot in hand. “Would you like cream or-” Finally getting a look at who sat before you, you lost any words that were about to leave your mouth and instead you were left with the dreadful mouth of a guppy, gulping for air that you couldn’t entirely catch. 

“Hi.” Laura said as she watched you pour her coffee. 

Blinking once, twice, thrice, “Hi.” You managed to say, quickly reaching behind you for the cream and dumping some into her mug until it turned the color of caramel. 

Laura clearly tried to hide her surprise at you remembering how she took her coffee and instead cleared her throat as an excuse to further her moment to speak. “About last night.” She started, her eyes focused on the coffee, thumb coming up to rub over the rough edge of the chipped cup. 

You waited patiently for her to continue, knowing just how awkward she might feel as you could feel it radiating off of her and onto you. 

“I didn’t mean to agree so quickly to what you said.” She tried, the words coming out slowly and unsure. 

You bit back the anger that immediately wanted to fall off your tongue, instead you waited to see if she had anything else to say. 

Laura looked up at you, her eyes a bit red from a not-so-great sleep. “I’m engaged.” She started, looking back down at the new ring on her finger. “I don’t think that it would be appropriate.” 

“You’re married too.” You reminded her, your nervous hands fiddling with the bottom of your flannel, hiding the tick behind the bar so she couldn’t see. 

Laura sighed, nodding her head. “I’m well aware of that.” 

“It’s up to you cupcake.” You said, noticing that Mr. Wellings was just about finished with his oatmeal. “You used to be a lot more daring when I knew you, let me know if that Laura is coming back any time soon.” You finished before grabbing your memo pad and walking over to the table in the far corner, leaving Laura with the ball on her side of the court. 

As you handed Mr. Wellings his check, you heard the door to the diner open and shut. When you turned around Laura was gone, something you were starting to really get used to. As you moved to put money into the register however, you noticed this time she had left a note. 

‘Let’s start over tonight at our old place by the lake.’ 

Smiling to yourself as you folded the napkin and tucked it into your pocket, you watched through the front store windows as you caught a glimpse of Laura’s receding back down the street. Maybe you weren’t going to be so unlucky this time around, but that was a bit of hope you would leave unpicked, you didn’t need an even deeper crack in your chest than there already was. Instead you would lead with a bit of wishful thinking and leave it at that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for how long this took to get out. I just checked how long it's been, and it's almost been an entire year since I've updated this. Again, my apologies, I'm trying to get my muse back, but until then I hope this will suffice for now. I'll try to get the next chapter out sooner, but no promises.


	5. Losing Her

After Carmilla had walked away from you and over to help Mr. Wellings, your brain had kicked into overgear and admittedly hurt your head even more with the advil not yet fully in your system. You couldn’t believe that you had been roped back into her atmosphere in just 42 hours, all it took was one look from her dark eyes and a smirk from those distracting lips and you were a goner. A goner who was still married to the owner of said lips and engaged to a lawyer who was currently over two thousand miles away, a distance Carmilla was making more painstakingly obvious every time you were near her. 

But this was all to get Carmilla to sign the papers, right? To get her to do something for you, you had to do something for her first. So asking her to meet you at your old spot down by the lake was completely reasonable for what you had in mind, which was a completely platonic meeting between old friends, because that’s what you both were to each other first and foremost. Carmilla was your oldest friend and you hated having to let her go those five years ago, but at the time it felt like the right thing to do; now you weren’t so sure. Not because you still loved her, because you totally didn’t, but because you lost an amazing friend in her. 

You decided to leave your copy of the divorce papers at home, no use making Carmilla any more upset than you had already made her in the past two days. Instead you were going to bring cookies and sparkling grape juice, something you had both shared at the lake back in high school. You figured it’d be a nice gesture for what you were going to be talking about. You really needed Carmilla to see things from your side, you needed those papers signed before Danny got there.

xXx

Waiting around for Laura sort of became a pastime in all the years you have known her. She was always late, or running late, or just short of right on time. Today was the latter. 

“Sorry I’m late.” Laura said when she saw you already pacing the dock. 

You shook your head, “Not late, just short of right on time.” 

Laura’s eyes lit up at the old memory, something she had once said that you had always teased her for. “Exactly.” She said, opening a grocery bag she had brought with her and revealed a bottle of chilled sparkling grape juice. 

You chuckled, pulling your hands out of your pockets as you motioned for her to sit with you. “Shall we?” You asked. 

“Well it would be odd to stand the whole time and pass this back and forth.” 

“Ah yes, we wouldn’t want any adults to see us and tell our parents they saw us with alcohol.” You winked, settling down across from her. 

Laura rolled her eyes at your antics before opening the bottle and took a sip before passing it over to you. 

“So what brings us here?” You asked, taking a sip yourself and pretending that you like the flavor of fizzy grapes. 

“I thought it would be a good place to talk.” 

“About?”

Laura shrugged, “I don’t know, about us.” She removed a cookie from the Chips Ahoy packaging and turned it in her hand. “I can’t help but remember the last time we were here.” 

You would imagine that you had remembered before her, thinking of all the times you took a late night stroll past this place just to remember the happier times before Laura decided to toss you aside for something bigger and shinier. You lacked the mystery that was a new city and the glitter of a high paying job. You were simply you, the girl she grew up with, the girl who was hopelessly in love with her. You dulled in the light of something more. 

One of the last times you were both there was a night that was quite hard to forget. It was right after your third year anniversary of being married. You had seen the stars for what they really were that night, the brightness in which you can’t entirely see from so far away was suddenly blinding and all you could taste was the liquor on Laura’s tongue as she surprised you with public sex, something you had been trying to get her on board with for years. It was quite the anniversary gift if you could remember it correctly, which you did of course. 

The last time in which Laura was thinking of was completely different though, and you knew that. She was thinking about the day before she left. The anger and tears that were shed that day were some of the worst feelings you had ever felt and refused to feel again. How you didn’t see it coming still confused you, and you supposed it was because Laura was always so great in the school dramas, but it wouldn’t have hurt less if you saw a fourteen wheeler coming straight for you without even bothering to swerve. In fact the scars that you’d be left with from an accident like that wouldn’t even compare to the ones Laura knowingly left. 

“Really?” You asked, passing the bottle back over to her, “I like to forget about it.” 

Laura looked at you with these eyes that could melt your heart while at the same time ruining you for anyone else. They were filled with compassion and heartache, things that you wish you had seen five years ago when she had left. Of course those emotions had been there, but it was different now. Now it looked like she was going to apologize or try to anyways, which you weren’t so sure you wanted to hear. It took you three years to forget the words that she had said to you, it took two more to forget the look in her eye when she said them. 

“Carm, I’m sorry. For everything. I know it may not sound like it, but I really am.” Laura started, setting the grape juice to the side. “I hurt you so many times and you just kept taking me back. I don’t deserve it, and you don’t deserve being treated like that.” 

These were all words you’ve heard before, LaF had said them to you, Perry had said them to you, hell even Ric had said them to you once while he was drunk. The bottom line was this- Laura had hurt you more times than you would care to admit, and no matter the circumstances, if she came running back to you you would take her back every single time. Whether that was a reflection on who you were as a person or just proved how pathetic you really were when it came to her, it didn’t matter. All you cared about was Ric, Laura, and the diner. Everything else you could take or leave. 

Laura moved the hair that had blown in her face out of her eyes then, and you were reminded of the situation. You were married to her, yet were somehow the other woman and that has been made perfectly clear to you since she’s arrived. The ring on her finger was not yours, but some other person’s, who you really didn’t care to meet. Laura wasn’t here for you, she never was. When she came back those ten years ago, it was because she had come home to lick her wounds and you just so happened to be there. It had never been about you, not since high school when you still had your pitching arm and every girl and guy in your grade wished they could be you. Laura was someone everyone always adored, always wanted to get to know, and you had been lucky enough to have known her all your life. She was special, but so were you. 

“I have to go.” You said, glaring at her ring before standing. “Will’s going to be by the diner soon and I don’t want him to be waiting around, he tries to fix things when I’m not there.” 

Laura’s face falls, clearly a bit bothered by your running out. “Oh, okay.” 

“I’ll see you later.” You supplied, quickly walking around her before heading down the dock and back to solid ground. You needed to leave, you needed to leave before she had the chance to do it herself.

xXx

You watch her leave, something you weren’t all too familiar with. Carmilla was never the one to walk away, in fact she was the person who stayed no matter the circumstances. The world was collapsing in on itself, she’d be there type of stuff. Carmilla had always been good for that. You were the one that ran away, the person you couldn’t rely on during a fire. 

Looking down at your ring finger, you are reminded of Danny. Carmilla had left because she had seen the ring, and you had noticed. You weren’t a four-and-a-half star journalist for nothing after all, but you couldn’t help but remember the last time you had been to the dock by yourself. It was the day before you left Silas for good, or so you had thought. You figured that leaving Carmilla served her the right of Silas belonging to her and not you. If one of you had to leave, it would be you every time. She just fit in here, which is why you never pushed her to go to physical training for her wrist. You didn’t want her to be something she wasn’t for the sake of what you wanted. 

She was what kept the town together you had always thought from the time she was fourteen and had inherited the diner, something Mrs. Karnstein had never gotten over. Carmilla was the glue that kept everything together, including yourself when you didn’t even know it, which is why you knew it was going to hurt like a bitch to lose her entirely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes this was quick, and yes this is short, but it just felt right.


	6. Ice Cream Parlors and Future Plans

So you had lied. Will wasn’t coming to see you for a couple more days and you lay awake the entire night unsure of how you got here, what you did to deserve an empty bed and a house full of memories. Memories that you could no longer enjoy without a sharp pain in your chest and an entire six pack of beer. Not to mention the pain in your wrist that never fully went away after the accident. Every day it ached in the places Laura used to kiss better. Everyday you realized how much you had used Laura as a crutch when your dad died. How much she had needed you when her mom passed away. If anyone needed another person as much as the two of you had once needed each other, well they’d surely feel loved for the moment. Laura was always good at that, making you feel special when you had no business feeling anything of the sort. She had been your rock just as you had been hers, for awhile anyways. 

Now you lay awake staring at the bare ceiling that used to hold glow in the dark stars. A ceiling Laura used to make fun of you for. You took them down shortly after she had left you for good. Or at least it had felt like for good. 

You had thrown them out because they were something you found yourself staring at instead of sleeping. The shadow box and photos in the living room were something you had never found yourself capable of looking at. It hurt too much to remember the words Laura had no sooner taken back. That was a part of the wall that you found your eyes skipping over whenever you were in the room. Like a broken record you couldn’t allow yourself to turn off the turntable in hopes that Laura would figure out her mistake and come home to you. Sad you knew, pathetic you reminded yourself everyday as you slipped into your boots and walked to work. Absolutely delusional you would repeat as you flicked the lights off in the diner at the end of the night, walking home just the way you came. After all you were the broken record and Laura had wanted an entirely different album. So she had gotten out while she could, leaving you behind to rest in her dust.

xXx

It’s been a few days since you last saw Laura. You’ve kept your head down at work, burying yourself in dirty dishes and phone orders, both of which were dwindling in the fall months as everyone started staying in for the holidays.

Will was due in at any moment with your nephew Luke, and you couldn’t wait to see the little rascal. He had gotten bigger since you had seen him last you imagined. You couldn’t wait to spoil him with ice cream and all kinds of sugary treats, something his mother only let him have in moderation. 

The bell above the door chimed then as it was opened, two young brunette men walking in to give identical smiles as you greeted them. “Hey, long time no see.” 

“You say that like you didn’t see me two weeks ago.” Will said with a smirk, one that most would say mirrored yours perfectly. 

You rolled your eyes, wiping your hands on a dish towel, “Not you, my handsome nephew!” You made your way around the counter with arms out wide for your nephew to throw himself into. 

“Auntie Carm!” Luke exclaimed as he slammed into you, nearly knocking you back off of your feet. 

“Hey, Kiddo!” You laughed, hugging him tight. 

“Thanks for watching him tonight.” Will said to you as he watched from the doorway. 

“Not a problem.” You say, picking Luke up with you to stand up straight with him on your hip. “Right Luke, not a problem at all.” 

“He can stand on his own you know, he walked all the way here on his own.” Will reminded as he watched you baby him. 

“Yeah, but if I’m not holding him how is he supposed to flip upside down?” You ask as you bend Luke backwards in your arms so he was now facing his father upside down. 

Will smiled, “Silly me, how could I forget?”

xXx

You had woken up early this morning, leaving yourself with no choice but to open your work email and start messaging people back, more importantly your boss, on how your time off was going and when you planned on being back.

Around eleven you decided to take a break and head down to the diner for a late breakfast and to maybe try and get through to Carmilla again. After all she had just left you on the dock last night like you had all those years ago. It hurt to have that thrown back in your face, but you figured you sort of deserved it at this point. 

Instead of spending the rest of the day making yourself feel even more guilty than you already were, you slipped into a pair of sneakers and grabbed your wallet, leaving your laptop to charge while you were out. 

One of the things you had to admit you missed about the small town of Silas, was how everything was in true walking distance. They say that about New York City too, but it’s different. The air isn’t as fresh, the people aren’t familiar or as friendly, and the biggest difference between the two was that you knew that if you walked down two blocks and over one you would come face to face with the woman who had never stopped loving all of you no matter what you did, in addition to easily the best cup of coffee you have ever had. As much as Carmilla likes to think you say it out of kindness and necessity, you truly mean it. Granted you could be biased, and probably were, it mattered very little to either of you. 

Just as you passed Mrs. Robinson’s old place and waved hello to Joseph the elderly postman, you began to approach the diner. Reaching the door, you peered through the storefront to find Carmilla stand behind the counter across from a small child with the same shade of dark brown hair she had. Taken aback by the huge smile on Carmilla’s face and the way she quickly messed up the child’s hair, you felt your throat dry up and your stomach plummet. The feeling that caused these emotions you ignored as you timidly opened the door and entered the establishment. 

Carmilla’s head rose at the bell ringing, her eyes meeting yours before quickly moving away and back to the little boy who sat before her. She whispered something to him before peeking over at you again, the boy doing the same as he giggled before turning back to Carmilla once more. 

Immediately curious as to what Carmilla was telling this kid, you made your way over to them, slipping onto the stool next to them. “Hope you’re not spreading any rumours over here, Karnstein.” You said, unable to look away from her smile. It was something you hadn’t seen in a very long time. 

Carmilla scoffed, a hand raising to cover her heart as she spoke, “I’d never do anything of the sort.” She turned back to the boy, “It seems like Ms. Hollis is letting all the air get to her balloon of a head, Luke.” 

Luke giggled as he looked over at you again before quickly looking away. 

“What do we do with people who have balloons for heads?” Carmilla asked him.

“We pop them!” Luke shouted as Carmilla reached under the counter and retrieved a toothpick. 

“Would you like to do the honors Mister Luke, or shall I?” She asked him. 

Luke swung his legs as he pointed to Carmilla, “You do it.” 

Carmilla nodded before turning to look at you, this warmth in her eyes that left you staring as she quickly poked your scalp with the toothpick.

“Cute.” You said, rolling your eyes. 

Carmilla shrugged, turning to Luke. “We figured it necessary to keep you from floating away.” 

Luke nodded firmly, his face suddenly etched with a mock seriousness all too familiar to the one across from him. It got you thinking. 

“Always so chivalrous.” You said, watching a smirk slowly begin to replace the smile on Carmilla’s face. You couldn’t help but stare which was completely against everything you were trying to do here. The whole point of you coming here was to get food and see if Carmilla was still willing to talk to you. Clearly she was, unless she was just trying to be civil in front of this kid, whoever he was, someone Carmilla cared for deeply that was for certain. 

“What does chivalrous mean?” Luke asked, interrupting whatever it was you were doing. 

Carmilla reached beneath the bar for a mug within the same movement she turned to grab a warmed pot of coffee, beginning to pour you a cup as she answered his question. “It means charming and considerate, something you’ll learn to be when your older, kid. Maybe then you’ll turn out just like me.” 

You found yourself scoffing as Carmilla slid the cup over to you, quickly sipping from it as she raised a brow at your interruption. 

“You have honest to god not changed a bit.” You said with a light chuckle. 

“Well that makes one of us.” Carmilla said, the light in her eyes noticeably dimming as she reached for the memo pad before asking you what you wanted to eat. 

“French toast with a side of bacon.” You said as she jotted it down in her shaky handwriting that used to cover your arms in high school study halls. 

“Any fruit or toast?” She asked, not bothering to look up at you. 

“Half a grapefruit would be good.” 

She nodded before leaving to put your order in. She didn’t return until your food was ready and Luke called her over to see his drawing of Captain America. It easily put you right back into the awkward spot you were in a week ago. You couldn’t help but feel unwelcomed here, and maybe you weren’t and honestly you wouldn’t blame her. Surely you had made her feel the same way for years. 

Carmilla topped off your coffee and brought you a glass of apple juice, both of which you didn’t ask for, but would have if it weren’t for Carmilla distancing herself from you. She paced the diner floor, refilling cups and taking orders to pass the time it took you to finish your plate. 

“Will that be cash or credit?” She asked as she took your plates as soon as she noticed you finish the last bite. 

“Credit.” You replied, pulling out your wallet and handing her your card. 

Swiping it through the machine, she handed it back to you with the receipt to sign. 

“Thanks.” You said as you took the pen from her, writing in your tip and signing your name. “I’ll see you later.” You slipped off of the stool, waving to Luke before leaving. However when you reached the door, you turned back around, “Have you ever taken Luke to Michael’s?”

Carmilla nodded, “How could I not? The kid loves ice cream.” 

“Cause I was kind of in the mood for some rocky road.” 

Carmilla rolled her eyes, “You hate rocky road.” 

That was true, but she loved it. The two of you used to go see old man Michael every day after school during your midterms for years. “Then I guess you’ll just have to get mint chocolate chip.” Your favorite. 

Carmilla’s mood visibly shifted, “I’ll tell Aaron he’s on his own.” Aaron was Carmilla’s second hand man and also her cook. Not enough people came into the diner anyways for it to be much of a problem, and if they did they would understand, they had all went to high school and had kids and grandkids together anyways.

xXx

You couldn’t help but cave at Laura’s words. Memories flooding back of the good ol’ times before you were in love, when all it took to be happy was just Laura’s friendship and some ice cream. You didn’t remember why Laura had always said she’d get your favorite and you’d get hers, but you figured it had something to do with Laura always wanting to try something new even if she didn’t like what was in it. Stupid you knew, but that was just the ambition Laura had pouring out of her.

You followed Laura out of the diner with Luke on your heels, his eyes turning into saucers at the mention of something sweet. His sweet tooth only reminded you of Laura, something you had tried to ignore every time you hung out with him.

xXx

“So is he Will’s?” Laura asked you from where she sat next to you on the bench outside of Michael’s. Luke was chasing the ducks down by the lake and you were grateful for the distraction. Keeping yourself from looking at Laura was considered a blessing these days.

“Uh yeah, yeah he’s Will’s.” You said, taken aback by the question. 

“He looks like you.” 

“Well so does Will.” You said, focusing your attention on the bit of rocky road you had left in your bowl. 

You and Laura had once talked about kids. The plan was that you both were going to carry a kid, that way you both had a child that you were biologically related to and that looked like you. It was a nice plan, names had even been tossed around. Your future had looked gorgeous from your wedding night; a beautiful wife, two great troublemaking kids, and a house and diner that you had equally put just as much love into as you did your family. You couldn’t have asked for anything more. 

Of course that had all changed when Laura left. No longer sure if you wanted to follow the same path, you thought of adoption and when Will had Luke, you figured that was your chance of just being a really good aunt. A decision that most days you were happy with, but other times you certainly did take notice to how quiet your home was and just how clean everything was. You couldn’t believe how easy it was to miss something that never was. 

“You could still have kids you know.” Laura said, bringing you out of your thoughts with a verbal slap to the face. At your wide eyes she continued, “I know you had always wanted some of your own.” 

“So did you.” You spit out, regretting it as soon as you did. 

Laura smiled sadly, looking away from you and out towards Luke. “He’s a cute kid.” 

“He’s just as smart.” You said, smiling to yourself. The last time you had seen him he was already showing you books on space and dinosaurs that he had gotten from the library. 

“So how long are you watching him for?” Laura asked. 

“Just until tomorrow afternoon.” You responded, tossing your now empty bowl into the trashcan next to you. 

Laura nodded as she did the same before standing, “I better be getting back, I’ve got some emails I still have to read.”

“Always so busy.” You said with a small smile, a fragile one that could disappear with the change of wind. You called for Luke to rejoin you, watching as he ran back towards the both of you. “We’ll walk you home just like the gentlepeople we are, right Luke?” 

“Right!” Luke said with the goofiest grin. No doubt was he already planning on asking you to play with your playstation when you got back home.

xXx

The walk back to your dad’s house could not have lasted long enough. “Well thank you for walking me home.” You said as you turned to Carmilla and Luke, who had walked on either side of you the entire time.

“It was all Luke’s idea.” Carmilla said, looking to Luke who shook his head rapidly. 

“Nu uh!” Luke giggled. 

“You’re such a softie.” You found yourself saying as Carmilla threw Luke over her shoulder. 

Carmilla flipped Luke over so he was now on her back, his arms wrapped around her shoulders and neck for support. “We better let you go, don’t want you to get too far behind in your emailing.” Carmilla said, her eyes looking everywhere but towards you.

“Right.” You nodded, turning to start heading up the front steps of your father’s porch. “I’ll see you tomorrow night for dinner?”

Carmilla nodded, shifting Luke’s weight from one foot to the other. “As always.”

“Bye Luke, it was nice meeting you.” You said, turning your attention towards the little boy who was looking over Carmilla’s shoulder, his chin resting there as his warm hazel eyes crinkled as his mouth turned up into a smile to reveal his two missing teeth. 

“You too.” He said, his smile contradicting his sleepy voice.

“I should get him back to take his nap.” Carmilla said, beginning to walk backward. 

“Okay.” You said, watching her salute you with her hand, Luke sleepily copying her, before turning on her heel and walking back the way you came.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Happy Valentine's day everyone :)


	7. Dealbreaker

“All I’m saying is that I just happened to be watching Luke at the right time.” 

“And all I’m saying is that you totally used that to your advantage.” LaF said from their place behind the counter. 

You shrugged, “It didn’t not work.” 

LaF smirked as they finished wiping down the bar and refilled your tumbler. “One more and then I’m cutting you off, you have a dinner tonight.”

You nodded as you tossed the liquor back, the welcoming burn sliding down your throat like a warm grip around your neck. It was now Sunday and you had only a week left before the lawyer showed and you lost Laura forever. Seven more days until you could kiss your wife goodbye. You were never one to go back on a promise, and a deal’s a promise no matter how hard you wanted it not to be. 

“So have you made any progress in the deal?” LaF asked, whispering it so that Perry wouldn’t overhear from where she sat behind the desk in the next room over. She had overheard you both last time and proceeded to give you an entire lesson on being vulnerable and careless, both of which you felt were a bumper sticker you needed plastered across your forehead. 

You shake your head, “Not at all, and honestly I’m not even sure if I want to at this point.” 

LaF’s brow rose at your admission, “You don’t want to get Laura back?” They asked with as much emotion as they could perceive. 

“That’s ridiculous, of course I do.” You said, “You know I want nothing more than for her to come home to me. It’s all I’ve wanted since she left five years ago.” 

“So then why give up?” LaF asked, genuinely confused. 

“Because I’m not even sure I can win her back, I mean she’s wearing another woman’s ring for christ sake! What am I in comparison to a successful lawyer?”

LaF rolled their eyes at your self-pity, “You’re Carmilla fucking Karnstein that’s who you are, and you are the most successful diner owner in Silas!” 

You chuckle, “I’m the only diner owner in Silas.”

“Exactly!” LaF took your glass from you and took it to the sink, “No one dares build another diner anywhere close to Karnstein’s cause you would run em right out of town!” 

Now it was your turn to roll your eyes at LaF’s blatant attempt at trying to pump you up. Checking your watch for the time you slipped off your stool, “I better get going. I got to stop by the house before I head over to Ric’s.” 

“Why, so you can change flannels?” LaF asked, a snicker in their tone. 

You returned their question with your left hand flipping them off over your shoulder.

xXx

You couldn’t remember the last time you were this nervous. Certainly not at work, not with Danny, frankly the only time you could compare this to was the day you surprised Carmilla with public sex on your third year anniversary. Which was ridiculous because you were neither going to be having sex nor even be alone with Carmilla since your father was going to be cooking dinner. The latter of which was currently on the phone with the station and has been for the past ten minutes while he was claiming to get refreshments.

Carmilla hasn’t shown up yet, not that there was ever a set time in which she was supposed to get there. She usually just came when she wanted to, your father claimed, but she was always just in time for a beer while he cooked. This made perfect sense to you because Carmilla had this relationship with time that you would forever be jealous of. She was never too early, but rather just early of being on time. The complete opposite of you.

There was a knock at the door then, startling you and confusing your father who poked his head through the kitchen doorway at the sound of it. He motioned for you to answer it as he went back into the kitchen to continue his conversation. 

“I thought you didn’t know what knocking on a door was.” You said when you found Carmilla on your front porch. Her flannel was buttoned for the first time since you had gotten back, and her hat was missing from her head. 

“Just wanted to keep you on your toes is all.” She replied, her eyes looking over your shoulder, “Where’s Ric?” 

“On the phone with the station.” You said, moving out of the way so she could come inside.

Carmilla nodded, following you back into the living room where you were originally sat. 

“Do you want something to drink, a beer maybe?” You asked, wringing your hands together as you pushed through the awkwardness that you were clearing making. 

“I can just get it myself.” Carmilla said, pointing towards the kitchen before heading towards it.

“Ah right, right.” You forget sometimes just how much Carmilla has been in your home, in fact at this rate she’s been inside it more times than you have. 

“So it turns out I can’t make dinner tonight.” Ric said from the doorway, cutting Carmilla off from leaving the room. 

“What, why?” Way to go Hollis, surely you’re not making Carmilla feel unwelcome at all. 

“Well the new guy, you know Bobby right?” Ric asked, pausing so you could nod your head before he continued, “His sister-in-law is in labor and so I told him I’d cover his shift.” He looked between the two of you, clearly a knowing glimmer in his eye before he moved towards the door, his sheriff’s coat already on. “I’ll see you two girls later, don’t drink all of my beer!” 

The door closed behind your father, a solid click that rang out in the now silent house. 

“So…” Carmilla started to walk backwards as she spoke, jutting her thumb over her shoulder towards the kitchen, “I’m going to go get that beer. You want one?” 

You nodded your head before following her, “Sure.”

xXx

You both decide on not cooking Ric’s perfect steaks and instead order take out. Of course the only take-out menu Laura could find was for the local Chinese place that was stuck to the fridge.

“Is Chinese okay?” Laura asked you, the look on her face clearly showing that she fully understood the weight behind those words. 

You barely nod your head as you focus your attention on opening your beer. 

“The usual or do you want something different?” She asked, making you slip and nearly cut your finger on the bottle cap. She remembered your order, not that you ever forgot hers. It was perfectly normal to remember something that you pretty much perfected weekly for years. 

“The usual’s fine.” You say, taking a swig of your drink, watching her pull out her phone to call. Without any hesitation, Laura called and ordered both of your dinners and gave them her name. 

“What?” She asked after hanging up, noticing half-way through the phone call that you had been staring at her. 

Quickly looking away, you fiddled with your beer, “It’s nothing.” 

Laura squinted her eyes at you for a moment longer, no doubt calling you on your bullshit in her head like she had so often done before. “It’s going to take them about twenty minutes to get here.” 

“Right.” Taking a much larger sip of your beer than planned, you watched her decide to grab herself a beer out of the fridge to match. 

“Do you want to watch some tv or what do you want to do while we wait?” 

“We can just sit in here.” Tv didn’t really feel like the right sort of thing in that moment. You sort of liked the silence between words that you had grown accustomed to in the past week. 

Laura’s eyes lit up in that moment, “I can go get the Monopoly board.” The old game board that you had both used as a child, old grape soda stains and faded ink adorning the cardboard and cards. 

Without trying to read too much into what this night was quickly becoming, you smiled and nodded your head, watching her set her beer down on the kitchen table before leaving the room to raid the hallway closet.

xXx

“I swear you’re cheating.” Carmilla said as she eyed you with certainty. She knew you well enough to know that you often ran around the board to collect money from go when she wasn’t looking.

“I am not.” You said with your faux pout, challenging her to challenge you further.

Carmilla pursed her lips, making you notice them even more than you already have. “If you’re not cheating than you wouldn’t mind me counting your money, would you?”

You could feel your face starting to fall, knowing fully well that Carmilla was calling you out for something she normally would have let slide in the past. In the past where she had obvious reasons for letting you cheat in Monopoly. Reasons that were now non-existent. 

“You will not count my money because you don’t have to.” You started, trying to think of a way out of it in which you could still win. “Because even if you weren’t so jealous of my luck in finances, you’d still be bankrupt.” 

Now it was Carmilla’s turn to fake hurt as her brows raised in shock of your retaliation. 

“Is that the Hollis ego I’m hearing?” 

You found yourself trying not to smile, remembering a conversation a long time ago about the infamous Hollis confidence. You and your father were both victim to it just as Carmilla was a sucker for it, or at least had been. 

“Maybe.” You said, stifling a giggle. 

“Would you like to put some money where your mouth is then?” Carmilla asked, the four beers she’s had making her cheeks rosy and your inhibitions squander. However your damn ego as Carmilla had kindly pointed out, was threatening to be bruised as you failed to fight the urge to say no.

“What kind of money are we talking?” You asked.

Carmilla smirked, fully in control of the situation as you were quickly becoming aware. “If you win you have to kiss me.” 

You fail to roll your eyes, “And if you win?”

“If I win I’ll sign the papers.” Knowing full well she’s going to lose, Carmilla stands up to use the restroom, downing the rest of her beer in one tilt and taking her fake money with her. 

You could feel the air in your lungs press outwards, leaving you with a choice. Quickly making the decision you grab the money and start counting. Pulling the ten you had stowed away beneath your leg.

xXx

You return to the table to find Laura staring hard out the window. The sun had long since set and the moon had risen to shine against the window pane.

“You ready?” You asked her as you sat back down, placing your money back onto the table where Laura could see it. 

Laura nodded, her hands flat on the tabletop in front of her. 

“How much money do you have?” You asked, watching her lay out the bills in order of least to greatest. All the money has since been collected from the game, save for 220 dollars. 

“$7,455.” Laura says clearly nervous. It was one of the most successful games of Monopoly she had ever played. 

You nod your head, impressed. Too bad that you had a trick up your own sleeve quite literally as well. 

“What about you?” Laura asked.

“$7,465.” You stated. By just ten dollars alone you had won. It wasn’t an easy decision to make, but you were starting to feel it was the right one. 

Laura’s face fell, realizing what you winning meant. “That is the closest game we’ve ever played.”

You lean back in your seat, “I can sign them now if you want.” Your heart was clenched tightly inside of your chest, wedged between ribs that were slowly beginning to break. 

Laura bit her lip before lying through her teeth, “I don’t have a copy right now. I’ll have to call my lawyer in the morning to get another mailed.” 

You had a hard time believing that, but the beer was making you tired as it often did, and you were already grieving the walk home. “I will sign them.” You didn’t want her to mistake you as a liar, “A deal’s a deal.” 

Laura nodded, smiling a faint smile. “I know.” 

“I should be heading home, it’s getting late.” You said standing to your feet. 

“Oh, right.” Laura stood as well, walking you to the door. “Are you sure you wanna walk home this late? It’s pretty cold out. I could set you up on the couch.” 

You debated taking her up on the offer, maybe if you had one more beer in you you would have. “No it’s okay, I’m just going to head home. It’s not too bad out there, I’ve been through much worse weather.” 

Laura watched you pull on your coat all the while making the face you had always known to be her ‘thinking-too-hard’ face. 

“You’re going to think yourself into an aneurism, cupcake.” You said, your hand on the doorknob. 

Laura blinked, looking up at you from where she was originally glaring a black hole into your shoes. A moment passed before either of you said anything, too much time already spent in her foyer. 

“Maybe I should just turn it all off then.” Laura said softly. 

You chuckled, “Like that could ever happen.” After realizing how serious she was you spoke again, “If you did that you wouldn’t be you.” 

“Would that be such a bad thing?” Laura asked, her guard completely down, not a single wall in sight. 

You let go of the door, your chest tightening even further than it already had, “Yes it would.” This was quickly becoming the one moment that you could step back into what you thought you wanted or break what you knew you had to. “I loved you because you couldn’t shut up. I doubt this Danny chick would disagree.” 

“Loved?” She asked, her eyes clear and full like they had been when you were kids. 

You fell silent then, wishing you had just left. It’s not like she hadn’t done the same to you. 

“Correct me if I’m wrong, or stop me if you want, but I thought this was a lot more present tense than you’re letting off.” Laura started, stepping in closer to you. 

“I have to go.” You said, knowing full well where this was heading. Beer never left Laura in the right state of mind. “Let me know when you get the papers.” Quickly opening the front door, you stepped out into the night, allowing the moon to guide you home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, I really had to wrestle this one into submission. It just wanted to go so many different ways but I liked this one best. Hell, I even did math for you guys, and looked up how much money comes in a standard Monopoly game! Well maybe one day down the road I'll be invited to bar trivia and I'll win it all with what just might be the most useless information known to mankind. Anyways, I hope you liked it and where I've chosen to go with this story.
> 
> Also would anyone be interested in me creating a Patreon? If so I'll explain it further in the next chapter :)


	8. Coming Home

You felt sick to your stomach. All night you lay awake, the second time this week wondering where you went wrong. The moment where Laura challenged your inhibitions and made you almost forget everything bad that had ever happened between the both of you. It was just when she got that dumb look on her face, the one where she realized she didn’t have you all figured out just like she had thought she did, it reminded you of all the times where the two of you couldn’t get enough of each other. Where going home to your own respective homes to eat dinner with your families seemed like the hardest part of the day and the best part would be where you saw each other the following morning in class. 

The moments where your lips barely left each other’s throats and your bodies were so entangled they looked like a jumbled mess of limbs that all belonged to the same person, and sometimes they felt like they did. 

As each day passed that Laura stayed in her childhood home and you continued to live in the home you bought together, these memories stretched further out of your reach, and more often times than not these days you wished they would just fade away all together. Forgetting your history with Laura would be easier than remembering every inch of her, how her chipped tooth felt against your lip, how her fingers felt in your hair, the way she smiled at you like you were the only thing this side of the Mississippi river that mattered. How loving her made you feel whole. 

Thinking about it even further you began to imagine what it would have been like to hear her out instead of running away like the coward you are. Maybe she was right, no she was definitely right. You were still in love with her, would always be in love with her and there would be nothing, no divorce or fiance that could change the deep and gritty and raw feelings you felt for her. You cared for her so deeply that you could hurl. Laura meant the world to you, was the sky and the clouds and the sun that hung above you every day, that shone on your back and warmed your skin on a cool spring day or a dewy summer’s eve. She was the dirt beneath your feet and the air that inflated your lungs. She was what felt right, what made you want to get out of bed in the morning and you knew it was unhealthy and you knew that it was unfair to her, but you knew that at one point she had felt the same way about you. 

Before you could stress about it anymore and mull over all the what ifs and probablys, you were slipping out from beneath your comforter and redressing yourself in the clothes that littered the floor. There was a part of you that you had left back there at Ric’s and you needed to get it back.

xXx

Curled up on the couch in the living room, your grandmother’s knitted blanket shrouding your face and earbuds turned up loud enough to drown out all of your worries, you nearly missed the knock at the front door. 

It was quiet but sturdy, one made with purpose though it knew its boundaries. There was no mistaking who it was as you slowly stood to your feet and brought the blanket with you, holding it tightly around you as it drug on the hardwood floor behind you like a cape. 

When Carmilla left earlier in the night you thought that maybe she had moved too far out of your reach. Maybe she really was starting to get over you and you just needed to do the same. After all you had finally gotten her to agree to signing the divorce papers and why ruin a good thing right? Or at least it had felt like a good thing a week ago. 

A week ago when you had forgotten what it was like to be beneath Carmilla’s gaze. A week ago when the past couldn’t have felt farther away and the future you had always wanted was so close you could taste it. Except now you weren’t so sure what you wanted. Weren’t sure whether the future you thought you wanted was actually the future you needed. Sometimes dreams were meant to stay just that- a dream, because otherwise they wouldn’t be as satisfying, popping the bubble where you had always held the possible at arm’s length. Now you weren’t so sure that what you had initially thrown away was actually something you didn’t want to hold on to for just a little while longer. 

As you opened the door to meet Carmilla, you came face to face with the woman who had stood beside you for almost your entire life. The woman you had lost your virginity to, the woman who promised you her forever, the woman who you had once and maybe still did want to keep the same promise with. 

“Hey.” Carmilla said, her voice a bit shaky, a bit pitchy. She was clearly nervous and that alone was a rare sight for her. 

“Hey.” You repeated the lousy greeting back to her, wondering why she came back, wondering what you were doing falling for it. 

“I tried to sleep but I had too much on my mind.” Carmilla started, her hands balled up into fists at her sides. Waiting for her to explain herself could sometimes feel like a lifetime. “I couldn’t stop thinking about what I said.” 

You waited patiently for her to get all the words that she wanted to say out. You knew it was hard for her to talk about her feelings just as much as it was hard for you to admit that you were wrong, and in this moment you were starting to come to terms with that fact. 

You were wrong. About Carmilla, about what you thought you wanted your future to look like. You figured that sometimes you need to see both sides of the coin before picking which side you want to go with. Flipping it just furthers your decision even more. 

Carmilla shifted on her feet again looking smaller than she ever has before. You couldn’t help but want to help her even if it was only a little bit. “Here, come inside.” You stepped to the side, “It’s cold out.” 

Carmilla nodded, moving back into the hallway and mirroring where you both stood just hours before. “I was wrong earlier.” She looked up at you after she said this, gouging your reaction you could only assume. “Nothing I could say can erase what’s happened between us and what we’ve gone through together. Nothing can make up for what we’ve put each other through.” 

You weren’t exactly sure where she was going with this, but you couldn’t get yourself to look away from her. From her unwavering eyes as she took a step closer to you, space that you had wanted to be rid of since she walked through the door. 

“I just know that when I look at you now it’s like I’m looking at you from years ago. My heart still picks up and my palms grow itchy and I just want to be around you.” Carmilla said, her voice beginning to tremor. “I never stopped feeling the way I do about you and a day hasn’t gone by that I haven’t thought about you at least twenty times before opening the diner for the day.” 

You too were going through the emotions that Carmilla was explaining so fervently. You found yourself moving towards her, your hands sweaty and your heart throwing itself against your ribcage. Your eyes lingered on her own for a moment longer before sliding down the slope of her nose and landing on the lips you could practically already feel against your own. It would be so easy to just lean in a bit closer and kiss her. You couldn’t believe how badly you wanted to kiss her now as if no time had passed at all. As if you were both just blasting music in Carmilla’s childhood bedroom with your back pressed into her bed and your hands on her hips above you. As if you were two kids in high school with no larger concerns than getting your homework done the following morning in homeroom. 

“I’m kinda wishing I didn’t cheat earlier.” Carmilla whispered. She was a lot closer than was appropriate but you couldn’t find it in yourself to care. This was happening, and you were doing nothing to stop it. 

“Me too.” You whispered back, neither of your eyes leaving the other’s mouth. You were beginning to close the remaining space between you, a breath away from no longer being able to pretend something like this never happened, because it did. 

“Are you sure?” Carmilla asked after the initial kiss, your hands already tucking themselves into her coat. 

“I don’t want to think anymore today.” You said, walking her backwards towards the stairs. 

Carmilla watched you for a moment longer, her face softening even more if it was possible. “Okay.” 

Kissing her again, a bit longer this time, you pulled away with the most satisfying feeling in your gut. A feeling that you knew wouldn’t be as gratifying come morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sweet and to the point. Tell me, were you guys expecting this turn of events or should I say event? Lots of emotions in this one, hoping you guys are as excited to see where this takes us now as I am.


	9. Reconciliation

You woke with a start, the air uneasy around you. Sitting up slowly, you felt the bones in your shoulders crack and the muscles in your calves ache. Around you were shelves and shelves of books, a dresser full of childhood trophies and action figures, a diploma to NYU adorning the wall next to the bedroom door. 

“Laura?” You called out to the empty room, the sheets beside you cool. Rubbing the sleep out of your eyes, you slipped out from beneath the covers and stepped down onto the icy hardwood floor. Hissing at the abrupt chill, you searched for your socks that you had kicked off the night before, finding them easily alongside your boots. 

Remembering how the night ended, you weren’t too surprised at how today was starting. After you had made it up to Laura’s bedroom, kissing her between gasps of breath, you distinctly remember falling asleep soon after, a contentedness falling over your chest that you hadn’t felt in quite some time. 

Though a part of you wished you had stayed home and never gotten out of your bed the night before, you knew that you wouldn’t want to take it back for anything. Laura was someone you could never regret, never wish for anything more than to just be with her. In anyway, at any time, whether she loved you or not, she was everything. Everything you wanted to be around, everything you cared for, everything you desired. 

So waking up in her bed without her next to you, sure it hurt, sure you had expected, sure you wished it wasn’t what was staring back at you blank in the face, but it was. 

Your phone rang a moment later, causing you to jump as you slipped back into your sweater and jeans, stepping into your boots as you answered. “Hello?”

“Carm, it’s me.” 

You sighed as you heard Ell on the other end, rubbing the lines between your brows as you listened to her. 

“There’s someone here claiming to be your wife, rummaging through all your shit. She was in your office before I got in this morning, I don’t know how she broke in but I’m about to shove my foot up her ass in a minute if you don’t-” 

“I’ll be right there.” You cut her off, hanging up your phone before she could get another word in. There was a reason you never told Ell about Laura. Better to keep them separate for the simple fact that they would kill each other if they ever met one another, which seems to be happening right about now.

xXx

“What in the ever loving fuck are you doing?” You asked, bursting into your office to find Laura on her hands and knees behind your desk. She was rifling through all of your files; manila folders filled with bills and food orders.

Laura jumped at your voice, peering over at you from where she was elbows deep in paperwork. “What does it look like I’m doing?”

You sighed heavily, shaking your head in disgust. “You’re not going to find them.” You said matter-of-factly. You continued to watch as Laura stops rifling to instead sit back on the floor, her eyes glued to something in her hands.

“I burned them up.” You finished your train of thought. Any and all divorce papers Laura had sent your way had all gone up in a hot red flame of despair and anger. 

Laura has stopped listening to you; you are sure of it because her eyes are beginning to fill with tears and she hasn’t looked up at you at all, instead keeping her stare fixed on whatever it was that was sitting in her lap. “You kept it.”

You circle the desk to see what she was talking about, your brow furrowed in confusion. “According to law you can’t burn those sort of documents up.” You spoke with a tremor in your voice, one that made Ell step out of the room to help a “customer”. 

The tears fill Laura’s eyes until her vision was blurry and you were but a hazy shadow that stood over her. Like a beacon of all that she had given up and wanted so desperately to take back. “Nothing is going to plan.” She said, her voice wet and her tears streaking down her cheeks. “This isn’t okay. None of this is okay.” 

You feel a bit of rage begin to build up in your spine, inching it’s way up into your shoulders where it hunkered down over your chest and sat there, waiting for you to burst. “You slept with me. You could’ve said no. You could’ve told me to get lost last night when I was on your porch.” 

Laura shook her head, none of this was okay. Loving two people was _not_ okay. She couldn’t have her cake and eat it too, it was something she had told many a college roommate in the past when one of them was beginning to become too greedy with their suitors or dessert options. 

“You could’ve turned me away.” You continued to say. You were so guilt stricken and angry. You were so angry you could kick a door in. 

“You know I couldn’t’ve done any of that.” Laura spit out. “You know that it would’ve killed me to do that.” 

“Well it sure hasn’t murdered you in the past.” You said, the burn beginning to fill your lungs. Rage had destroyed you before, had chased Laura away before. 

Laura frowned, tears still falling down her face. “Maybe we were a mistake.” 

You felt yourself freeze at those words, any more and you knew your chest was going to crack open for sure. “You don’t mean that.”

“I think I do, Carm.” Laura spoke softly. Her tone slow and drawn out, every word meticulously chosen. “I mean, aside from being high school sweethearts, what good were we to each other?”

You couldn’t believe the words you were hearing. You couldn’t believe any of it. What good were you to each other? How about everything that made you horrible for each other? The lists would be nearly the exact same length. People were people, people made mistakes, why were the two of you supposed to be different? Why were you and Laura supposed to be better than you were in high school? You loved her just as much as you had then, in fact even more so. You loved Laura even more now as she sat in front of you breaking your heart for a third, possibly even a fourth time, and you welcomed it because you couldn’t believe that there was a world outside of her. You knew deep in your heart that you could live without her sure, but you wouldn’t be happy. You couldn’t be. And that wasn’t you being difficult or desperate, it was just simply stating the facts. 

If you didn’t reconcile with Laura, you knew you had a future. A decent future too, one where you weren’t constantly arguing with someone you were meant to be in love with. You would most likely settle down with Ell, pop out a kid or two and raise them to take over the diner when you were gone. A simple and happy life, one many would die for, yet you couldn’t see yourself accepting that as the best life you could have chose. You would always wonder where Laura was and how she was doing. You knew this because it would be exactly how she would live too. Laura would marry this Danny chick and have a few kids, she’d travel the world and drink expensive wine and raise her children to be just as driven and bold as her. A calm and normal life, again one that many strive to have, but she would be lonely late at night when she knew you’d still be awake and wish she was there beside you as you cleaned and locked up the diner for the night. 

“I can’t believe you’re even going down this road again. This is the same bullshit you were spouting all those years ago when you left.” You said. Your throat was tight and you were exhausted, but you wouldn’t cry, not here, not in front of Laura and certainly not while you were at work. 

Laura watched you sink to the ground behind the desk with her. You couldn’t trust your feet to hold you up for much longer. You were spent. 

“I just wish we could go back.” 

You nodded along to what Laura said, “Back to when things were simple and I could still pitch a softball?” You found yourself smiling wryly at the memory, “Back to the days when the only thing we concerned ourselves with was making sure we were able to sneak in and out of Mr. Baston’s study hall to make out in the back of my father’s truck.” 

Laura’s cheeks grew a fresh tint of red as she found herself no longer crying and instead giggling at the memory. You found yourself grinning along with her. 

“I didn’t mean what I said.” Laura started after the silence of her laughter had ended. 

“Which part?” You asked, holding your breath for her response. 

“Åll of it.” Laura hiccuped. 

You sighed, letting out a long breath of relief. “Can’t say you didn’t believe at least some of it though.” 

“We definitely have a lot to work on that’s for sure.” 

“You think?” You asked, the bitterness of your sarcasm sitting on your tongue like a thick cough drop. You looked down to the paper that still sat in Laura’s lap. 

“We’ve come a long way from this day.” Laura said peering down at the marriage license. 

“We certainly have.” You said, your hand finding it’s way to rest on top of Laura’s. “I just wish we could backtrack at least some of it.”

“It’s never too late.” Laura whispered. 

You raised a brow, looking at her in disbelief. You weren’t too sure you had heard her right. 

“I’m serious.” Laura continued, “You still wanna be married to me tomorrow?” 

You rolled your eyes, “I thought that part was made pretty damn clear last night.” 

Laura blushed at your words, her cheeks a rosy shade of pink. “You know I never stopped thinking about you.” 

“Well how could you?” You asked, standing to your feet and holding out your hand for her to take, “I’m pretty damn hard to forget.” 

“I’d say so.” Laura said, taking your hand and standing to her own feet, her shoulder brushing yours now as you stood not even a foot apart. 

“If I kissed you right now would you hate me?” You asked. 

“Not anymore than you hated me yesterday.” 

“I ought to stay away than.” You smirked, pulling her the rest of the way towards you to meet her lips, her mouth even sweeter than it was yesterday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapters get shorter as we begin to reach the end. About three more chapters to go friends, hopefully I manage to finish it before fall but who knows. I of course only got inspiration for this story three hours before i have to be in at work, which means two hours of sleep for me! I'm gonna hit the hay, but please let me know how you are liking this turn of events :)


	10. Dumber than a Rattlesnake

You woke with a start to a knock on your bedroom door. A moment later your phone was buzzing. Your head hurt and your vision was still a bit blurred from sleep. Sun poured in through the crack in your curtains and streaked across your comforter in one bright stripe of light. Books towered on the desk across from you, library books you had picked up yesterday to distract yourself from what happened just two days prior, and it seemed to be working. Well, working was a bit strong of a word for how things were actually panning out, but you could only call Carmilla so many times and leave so many voice mails. Especially considering that you’ve left so many that the mailbox was full on her phone. 

You haven’t seen Carmilla since the kiss. It was like the moment before it and the moment after it were orchestrated by two completely different people. The lips you kissed were no longer hers it felt, and her hands were colder than you had ever felt them. Her smile had left her face and suddenly she was clearing her throat and standing to her feet, picking up all the files you had left in a disarray around you. 

“I better get to work and relieve Ell. I’m sure she hasn’t opened her studio yet.” Carmilla said, her eyes not meeting yours, in fact her eyes were on the complete other side of the room as you. 

“Yeah, sure.” You said, your voice not betraying you for once as you too stood to your feet. You were confused and hurt, something you were sure Carmilla had felt a hundred times over the years. Guilt struck you again as you watched Carmilla swallow and turn away from you, leaving the office completely, but you couldn’t follow. Your feet were stuck to the ground and the diner was so quiet you could hear Ell asking Carmilla what happened and if she was alright. 

You’d be lying if you didn’t admit that another woman knowing Carmilla better than you did, or at least this older much more mature version of her, didn’t kill you. It hurt so much that you could feel your chest beginning to ache. A sharp pain right between your ribs where your heart was imprisoned. Sometimes you wished in moments like these you could just reach your hand inside and try to soothe your heart, but even more times than not you just wanted to rip it out all together. 

The worst part was you couldn’t even blame Carmilla for how she felt. Hell, if you were in her position you’d walk away too, or at least you’d like to think you would. You were the bad guy in this situation. The fact alone that you were originally in here looking for the divorce papers you had sent all those months ago was proof enough. You didn’t know what you wanted. You didn’t know anything, which was why you slipped out the back door and ran all the way back to your dad’s house. 

You rolled over in bed now as you closed your eyes tightly, trying to forget the taste of the kiss and how it had flooded your head with hope. Hope that Carmilla didn’t hate you like you feared she did, hope that she still loved you, hope that you could make a fucking decision for once in your life that wouldn’t hurt everyone around you that you so desperately cared about. 

Another knock proceeded to rap through the door, this time a bit more timid. “Laura, are you awake?” Ric asked. 

You opened your eyes to stare up at the ceiling. Finding your voice slowly you spoke out with a gravelly tone, “Yeah, I’m awake.” 

“I thought so.” Ric started, cracking the door to peer inside. His eyes met yours and you felt yourself wanting to break all over again. Your father could always see the very parts of you you wanted to keep hidden, it was what made him such a trusted cop. “I just wanted to tell you Danny called, said she was able to get out of her case early and was catching a flight tonight. She should be here before dinner.” 

You felt your heart leap into your throat at his words. To say you had forgotten about your fiance wouldn’t be true. In fact you were very well aware of her after texting her every night and twisting the ring that you wore around and around while you worried over Carmilla. Truly sick how ironic that action was. 

“Ok thanks.” You answer your father, flopping back down onto your pillow and stare back up at the ceiling. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Ric asked, a question he had asked you late last night when you had finally made your way home after a long day sitting in the back of the library. You had told him then what you were once again telling him now. 

“I’m fine.” 

Your father knew you were lying; could hear it in your voice and see it in your pained expression. You were not fine and you were certainly not okay. You were in pain as you so often felt whenever you thought of Carmilla for too long. She was the beginning of it all. Certainly it made sense for her to be the end of it too, right?

Ric sighed, inching his way further into the room as the door creaked and whined beneath the push of his hand. He sat comfortably on the edge of your bed, his eyes facing away from you. “Listen Kiddo, I know you’re going through it. Hell, I knew you were going through the worst and most confusing parts of your life the minute you stepped back into my house a few weeks ago.” He was always so sure of himself, your father. A strong and stubborn man that anyone would be lucky enough to call ‘Dad’.

You stayed silent from your side of the bed, tucked tightly beneath your comforter, practically hiding from the man who could see through you all together. 

“But at some point you gotta know when enough’s enough.” Ric said, his tone stern. “I’ve seen you tug Carmilla back and forth all this time and I haven’t said a word, because I’m your father and I love you and I”m supposed to be on your side of the fence. But sweetheart, you’re pulling her too damn hard. The poor girl is bound to break, hell she has.” He shifted on the bed, turning to look at you from the corner of his eye. “I love Carmilla too, like a daughter. Now her daddy was a good man, a strong man. And he adored her like any good father would, and God took him away from her way before he should have. Now I am in no place to question the Lord and his decision making, but he took your mama too. Way sooner than either of us would have liked, but it gave us both a bit of perspective. A perspective we both needed to have.” 

You had no idea where your father was going with this, but you knew better than to interrupt him when he was going on one of his rants.

“Now you know I don’t agree with what most church-goers believe or rather preach, which is why I don’t go to church, but I have my beliefs. And those beliefs are that you have a good and smart head on your shoulders, but when it comes to love honey, you’re dumber than a rattlesnake dancing to no song.” He chuckled just as you tried to hide a smile. He was right, he was always right.

“Carmilla is a good woman, more than you’ll ever deserve, just like I didn’t deserve your mama.” He stood to his feet, “Which is why you gotta hold on tight to a good thing while you have it. Now I don’t know this Danny, and she could be a great person, but I know love when I see it, and if this was a baseball game and the Yankees were down five in the bottom of the eighth against the Red Sox, I’d still put money on the Yankees.” 

You were finally ready to hear the end of your father’s rant, so you interrupt him. “Dad, what does this have to do with Carmilla?”

He turned to look at you, a smirk on his lips. “Well this is the bottom of the eighth, and I think Carmilla deserves an apology.”

You feel your heart sink low into your gut, the acid burning you from the inside out. “I’ve tried that, it didn’t work.” 

Ric shook his head, “No, what you tried to do was blame yourself.” He started towards your door, letting it creak against his arm, “What you need to do is let Carmilla talk. She doesn’t wanna hear you talk about how much you fucked up.”

You burst out laughing, knowing just how much of a lie that was.

Your father laugh along with you, “Okay maybe she does, but she wants you to tell the truth and only that. Now I know I didn’t raise a liar, so you better get to talking. That is if you still love her, which I think you do, but that’s a decision you gotta make on your own.”

And just like that your father had given you exactly the pep talk you needed to hear. Whether you liked it or not, he was the most truthful man you knew, and he was right. He was always right. 

Which is why you got dressed to meet Danny at the airport.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So my laptop charger has broken and I haven't been able to grab a new one for it yet so I had to boot up my old desktop to finish this. I don't have my notes since they were on my laptop and so I've tried to reshape this story a little bit so you guys could get it sooner rather than later. Thank you so much for sticking around!


	11. Cat's Out of the Bag

The airport was never associated with happiness for you. You went to the airport when you left Carmilla the original time to go to college, you were at the airport when you left her the last time, and now you were currently at the airport picking up Danny, someone who was very clearly not Carmilla.

You waited by the baggage claim for the tall redhead, someone who was still very much a knockout to you, but it just wasn’t the same. Suddenly she was too kind, too tall, her shoulders too broad and her freckles too pronounced. She was all of the opposites of Carmilla. A charmer sure, a smart and beautiful woman without a doubt, but a rude and witty son of a bitch she was not. 

“Hey you.” A voice came from behind, followed by long arms wrapping around your middle and a nose pressing itself into your hair. “I missed you so much.”

“Hey Danny.” You said, turning to face her. She was as beautiful as ever, her hair long and wavy over one shoulder, dressed in a hoodie and jeans for the long flight. “Tired from the flight I bet.” 

Danny nodded, her arms around your waist and her eyes flickering down to your mouth as you spoke to her. “I am, but never too tired to see you.” 

You smiled lightly at her, the comfort in which you felt around Danny was still very much prominent. You felt safe and knew she would protect you at all costs, but you felt both of those things when you were with Carmilla as well. No matter what, you knew you’d be safe and cared for. 

“Ready to meet everybody?” You asked her, hoping to see any trace of hesitance or regret, but there wasn’t any. Of course there wasn’t. Danny was all in, she told you that before you left. She was all in and wasn’t going anywhere she had told you right before you boarded your flight. 

“Of course.” Danny said, pulling away from you to take your hand instead. “Lead the way.”

xXx

It had been a few days since you had last seen Laura. You had decided to put some distance between the two of you when you kissed in your office. You were so ready to start all over again with her, fall back into her trap and give up any efforts you had made to get over her, if there were any at this point you doubted. 

“I just got off the phone with Jared, said he would pick up the pies at the end of the week.” Ell’s voice traveled into the room before she did. She stood in the doorway to your office, looking at you from where you sat behind your desk, staring at the spot you had kissed Laura just a few days prior. 

“Carm?” Ell called for your attention.

Drawing your eyes away from the spot on the floor, you looked to Ell who leaned so precariously against your door, her eyes as clear as they had ever been. She was lovely and you knew somewhere in another universe you had said no to Laura and yes to her. That is if you could believe there was a universe out there where you hadn’t fallen so madly in love with Laura. “Jared. Pies. Gotcha.” You made a note for yourself on a sticky note and stuck it to your computer screen. 

“I was about to head out for the night.” Ell started, moving closer into the room and into a chair that faced your desk. “If you’re cool with it.” 

“Like you’ve ever asked for my permission in the past.”

“Cause I never thought you needed my company in the past.” 

You paused to look at her. She really was beautiful, and if this were any other time and place, if you hadn’t kissed Laura just those few days ago, you might have let Ell take you into her arms in this moment and hug all the guilt away. You would have let her take you home and draw you a hot bath and join you in it with a glass of wine and flickering candlelight. If Laura hadn’t come home two weeks ago you probably would have given Ell another try, hell she deserved for you to try. She didn’t deserve some half-assed person in a half-assed relationship. She deserved more, and that ‘more’ wasn’t you. 

“I’ll be fine. Go home and get some sleep, you’ve done far more than enough for me in the past few days.”

 

Ell shrugged, “You needed someone to help shoulder the load. I guess this time that person was me.”

You really wished you could give her what she wanted, but you knew you couldn’t. You didn’t have it in you. “Thank you, seriously.” 

Ell nodded, taking the cue to leave. “I’ll see you in a couple days.”

“Yeah I’ll see you.” You responded, looking back towards your computer screen to finish up the last of your work order before calling it a day.

You always closed the diner early on Sundays, mostly because you simply didn’t get enough customers on this day of the week to keep it open. Sunday mornings were your busiest, but soon after everyone went home to their families to spend what was left of their weekend and you were left to close up shop and spend the rest of your few precious hours with the only man who had ever seen you cry that wasn’t your own father. 

You finished up your order and shut down your desktop, turned off the lights, and locked up for the evening. Buttoning up your flannel as you made your way down the street you couldn’t help but to take notice to the changing leaves scattered across the asphalt as the wind picked up. Trudging up the street you crossed at the corner and took your familiar route to Ric’s, stopping by LaF and Perry’s for a quick drink before heading over when you found their lights off and the door locked. 

Which wasn’t right because it was six o’clock on a Sunday, one of their busiest hours of the week as all the lonely widowers and early twenty somethings went to close off their weeks with the bottom of a bottle. A sign was hung on the door that read, ‘Closed for the night due to a family gathering. We open tomorrow at 1pm.’ 

You shrug, deciding to stop in at Silas’s Liquor and Change to pick up a six pack for you and Ric since you always drank his beer. Either way you were going to get some liquid courage if it killed you. Seeing Laura again was going to do just that.

xXx

“Are you sure Carmilla isn’t going to be coming over tonight?” Ric asked you in the kitchen while Danny, LaF and Perry sat in your dining room. 

“Yes I’m sure.” You whispered to him. Danny didn’t know about Carmilla, didn’t need to know about Carmilla because it would only make things worse. 

“You don’t sound too convinced.” Ric said as he grabbed the plates and silverware. 

“Because I’m not.”

“All I’m saying kiddo is that she hasn’t missed a Sunday yet, and she’s going to be real hurt when she walks in that door and sees the lot of you and her competition.” 

You gritted your teeth, “Danny is not Carmilla’s competition, hell they’re not even in the same ballpark.” 

Ric smirked, looking over your shoulder and out towards where Danny sat talking to Perry about all the very interesting and totally not boring procedures of an average court case. “Yeah, I can see that.”

“Don’t be mean.” You lectured.

He raised his full hands in defense, “Not being mean, just telling the truth.”

You sighed, feeling yourself growing anxious at the very fact that you knew Carmilla was going to be walking through your front door any minute and would be coming face to face with your fiancé. A fiancé she had no idea was going to be here. 

“Please just go out there and talk to her. Tell her about all of my embarrassing childhood memories if you must, just please be nice.” 

“Am I even capable of anything else?” He rhetorically asked, chuckling to himself as he left you behind to go set the table.

You leaned back against the kitchen counter as you felt all the tension build in between your shoulder blades. 

“You look like you’re having fun.” A voice cut through the immediate white noise, shattering any semblance of togetherness you had begun to build for yourself. 

“Why’d you just come through the back door?” you asked Carmilla as she stood in front of you with a six pack and a small paper bag of what you could only assume were more adult goodies. 

“Picked up a few things from Liquor and Change.” Carmilla answered, setting them down on the counter next to you. “Why are you standing in the kitchen by yourself when you have a dining room full of people?” 

A question for a question. How Carmilla she always had to be. “For the same reason you stopped to buy yourself minis.” 

Carmilla chuckled as she pulled down a tumbler from the top shelf of a cabinet and twisted off the top to a small Jameson. “Touché.” 

You stole the bottle from her hand and took a sip, fighting the urge to gag at the horrible taste. 

Carmilla smirked at your gesture before stealing it back from you and taking a sip herself. “Remember when we stole that huge bottle of gin from my mom’s office when we were fifteen?” She asked, her eyes not leaving her glass as she chose another bottle to fill it with. 

“You were grounded for a whole month.” You answered, giggling at the memory. The horrible taste of the liquor as thick on your tongue in memory as it was all those years ago.

“Funny how things don’t change. You were just as afraid of getting caught as you are now.” She looked at you with the kind of hurt you knew hid itself in the pit of her stomach. The kind of pain that never goes away.

You were about to respond when you were interrupted by a familiar voice breaking through your silence. 

“Hey, there you are.” Danny came into the kitchen then, her eyes looking between you and Carmilla. “I was wondering where you had wandered off to.” 

“Danny, this is Carmilla.” You immediately introduced the two. 

“Nice to meet you, Carmilla.” Danny said, holding her hand out to shake. 

“Danny.” Carmilla nodded, throwing back her shot and swallowing the entirety of its contents. 

Danny waited a beat longer before pulling back her hand.

“We should get back to the others.” You broke the sudden silence, pulling Danny’s elbow for her to follow.

You ignored the sound of another mini opening, the plastic top cracking open as Carmilla poured herself another drink.

“There you are. Had to send your girl in after you.” Ric said as he saw you return to the dining room table, LaF and Perry watching as you sat beside Danny at the table. 

“Evening, Ric.” Carmilla greeted a moment later, taking the last chair across from you and next to your father. 

“Carmilla.” Ric greeted, taking the beer she held out for him. “You always know the perfect gift.” 

She smiled at him before sipping from her own glass, more Jameson you were sure. 

“Carmilla, you’ve met Danny?” Ric asked, trying to fill the settling silence with words. The knowing looks between LaF and Perry enough to make you want to crawl beneath the table and hide forever.

“Sure, just met in the kitchen.” Carmilla answered, her hand reaching for the serving spoon. 

“Well, now that we’ve all met, how was everybody’s Sunday?” He asked the table.

Everyone chimed in with goods and okays, no one daring to go in depth when they knew the inevitable was bound to break any moment. 

Carmilla pushed her food around on her plate, taking nice long sips of her drink before excusing herself to go back into the kitchen to pour herself another.

“Danny, how was your flight?” Perry asked, trying to make friendly conversation.

“Wasn’t too bad, a little bumpy over Illinois, but overall it allowed me to finish my novel for the week.” Danny answered politely.

“You read a book a week?” LaF asked.

Danny nodded, “Sometimes two, three if I don’t have any active cases.” 

You couldn’t help but watch the doorway to the kitchen, afraid of Carmilla returning to ruin everything. To be honest you were surprised she hadn’t said anything already. 

“I do wish I could meet Laura’s ex wife though, find out what I have to beat.” Danny tried for a bit of humor just as you heard Carmilla re-enter the room. No one even tried to respond to the mild joke as they all watched out of the corners of their eyes as Carmilla took a long drink as she sat. 

“You’re looking at her.” Carmilla spoke, setting her glass down and picking up her fork.

“Excuse me?”

“And technically it’s not ex just yet.” Carmilla continued.

“I think I left my jacket in the car.” Perry said, immediately standing from her seat. “LaF, will you come check with me?” 

“Your jacket is hanging up by the door.” LaF said, confused. 

“LaFontaine, please.” 

LaF sighed heavily, reluctantly standing from their seat. “You always make me leave before all of the fun happens.” 

“Because it is not our ‘fun’ to be had.” Perry responded, pulling her partner from the room, the front door closing behind them a moment later.

“Laura?” Danny asked, turning to you with a confusion clearly painted in her eyes.

You look to your father who was already standing to his feet, “I’m going to take a quick trip down to the station to check on the new guy, Carmilla you want a lift home?” He turned to Carmilla who was still eating her dinner.

“I think I’m good right here, Ric.” She said, taking another bite of chicken.

Ric nodded, grabbing his car keys and jacket off of his chair. “Carmilla, I think it’s best I take you home.” 

Carmilla looked to you with the most hatred you had ever seen. “I think you’re right.” She finished off her drink before standing wobbly to her feet. 

“Seriously, what is going on?” Danny asked again.

“Carm, wait.” You said, ignoring Danny. 

Carmilla rolled her eyes and chuckled, “Always wanting me when you can’t have me. How very Laura Hollis of you.” She turned to Ric, “Can I bum a cigar from you Ric?”

He nodded, “They’re in the truck.” 

“Laura, you need to tell me what’s going on.” Danny said sternly, her eyes looking between you and Carmilla. “Are you still married?” 

“If you even wanna call it that.” Carmilla said snidely over her shoulder.

“I’m not asking you.” Danny spit in Carmilla’s direction. 

Carmilla raised her hands in defense, “I’m getting myself another drink.”

“And I’m taking you home.” Ric said, a hand reaching over to turn Carmilla towards the kitchen. 

You watched them leave, listening to Carmilla argue Ric that she was going to finish her last damn mini and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do to stop her, waiting to hear the back door shut behind them before turning to Danny.

“Who was that?” Danny asked in disbelief.

“That was Carmilla.” You started, sighing shakily as you leaned back in your seat, “She’s my wife.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bum, bum, BUM!! What will happen next? Who will Laura choose??? Find out in the next chapter, the FINAL chapter! FINALly lolololol 
> 
> Thanks for reading you guys!


	12. I Believe You

“So is this why you wanted to come up here three weeks before me?” Danny asked you as soon as you told her that you were in fact very much still married and had never been divorced like you had illuded to in the past. “Because of her?”

You immediately felt your face pinken in embarrassment and then frustration. “Have you ever been confused before? Or are we going to pretend that I’m the only asshole here?” At Danny’s expression you threw your hands up in admittance, “Fine, you’re perfect and I’m a monster. Does that make you feel better?”

“Laura, you lied to me.” Danny deadpanned. “And that’s only scraping the tip of the iceberg of fuckery that just spilled all over this dining room table.”

You looked away from her ashamed. She was right, you had lied big time. There was no excuse big enough or even remotely believable to cover this one up. You had fucked up. You _were_ fucked up. “I don’t even know how to begin to apologize. Nothing I could say right now will erase me hurting you.” 

Danny sighed, a deep and heavy sigh that sounded a bit shaky if you were going to be honest. “You’re right about that.”

You felt your knee jittering, bouncing up and down, and you just wanted a way out of this mess, but you didn’t deserve one. You deserved to sit here and listen and look at how hurt Danny was until Danny decided that she was done talking. 

“I just don’t understand.” Danny started, “Why say yes to my proposal when you’re still married? Why date me when you are _clearly_ still in love with your wife?”

You swallowed at the big hitting questions, questions you were still trying to answer for yourself. “I don’t know.”

“That’s not really an answer Laura, I deserve a better answer than that.” 

“You’re right, you do deserve more. You deserve someone who isn’t confused and who realizes just how amazing you are and doesn’t just accept that at face value.” You spoke slowly, forcing yourself not to cry. “You deserve so much more than me.”

“Funny how all I want is you.” Danny said with an awkward gasp that could have been an attempt at a laugh if the situation weren’t as disgustingly upsetting as it was. 

“I’m sorry.” You said, “I don’t know what else to say but that.” You tried to think of a comforting thing to tell her, something that she could take away from this conversation and hold for as long as she wanted to until she felt like she could stand and walk away from you. “I do love you Danny. Don’t ever think that was a lie.”

“You just love her more.” Danny immediately responded, and before you could interrupt she continued, “No, no it’s okay. When I came into the kitchen I saw the look on your face, whatever the two of you had been talking about gave you more facial expression than I have been able to get out of you in months. I don’t know what your intention was, coming down here before me, whether it really was to divorce Carmilla or not, but I know what I saw.” Danny rubbed a hand over her knuckles anxiously, “In the few short moments I saw the two of you share, was more than enough proof for me to know that you are still in love with her, and probably have been the whole time. Love like that doesn’t disappear, it doesn’t shrivel up and die like you made it out to be.” 

You sat in silence, knowing that every single word Danny was speaking was the truth. You were still in love with Carmilla, had always been in love with her. You just loved Danny, they were two completely different things. 

“I think I should go.” Danny said standing to her feet. “I’ll take a cab, get on the next flight home.” 

“I can drive you.” You stammered. 

Danny immediately shook her head, “I’d rather you didn’t.” She swiped at the tears that were beginning to slip down her cheeks. “Goodbye, Laura.”

You watched as Danny walked away from you, not knowing the words to say to make her stay, and why should you? Make her stay that is. She was hurt because _you_ hurt her. She deserved time to grieve. 

“Do you want your ring back?” You asked instead. 

“Keep it, sell it, whatever you need to do.” Danny said, grabbing her bags from where you had left them when you helped her bring them in. “I won’t be needing it.” 

“Will I ever see you again?” You asked. A question that you weren’t entirely sure you were ready to know the answer to.

Danny shrugged, “If you ever decide to come back to New York, look me up. Maybe we’ll grab coffee and laugh about today.” She reached your front door, opening it and allowing the large icy gust of wind to blow through the foyer. “Though I doubt it.” 

You watched as she turned to look at you one last time before slipping out into the night. Whether you were going to be able to see her again you weren’t too sure, but you knew that it was going to hurt you either way.

xXx

“Easy, _easy_.” Ric tried to steady you as he helped you into your house and upstairs to your bedroom. Kicking off your boots as you went, nearly tripping over them and planting your face into the wall on your way up. Ric held onto you the whole step of the way, making sure you were on your feet until you didn’t have to be, helping you crawl into bed and making sure there was advil and a glass of water on your nightstand. 

“Thanks, Ric.” You said around hiccups. You knew this man that was staring down at you was the safest thing on this earth, knew that this man was the father of your wife and you took solace in that. He didn’t love you more than her, why that would be an abomination, but he certainly did love you like you were his daughter. 

“I don’t know what to say that would make you feel better right now, kid.” Ric said, his hands stuffed deep into his pockets as he sat himself down on the chair facing you. 

“Don’t expect you to.” You eyed the advil appreciatively before looking back at him, “Hell, I wouldn’t know either.”

Ric sighed, shuffling around before running a hand through his greying hair. “I just wish I could help more ya know? But this is between you and Laura, not much else I can do except cheerlead you from the sidelines.”

You cracked a smile at the image, “As long as I can get a picture of you to commemorate the moment.” 

Ric chuckled along with you before getting serious again. What was with the Hollis’s always having to be so serious all the damn time? “I know she’ll come around to it, she has to.”

“You can say it all you want Ric, doesn’t mean I haven’t been waiting around five years for her to realize it.”

“She gets her stubbornness from her mother.” Ric said so quietly it was almost a whisper, “I wish you could’ve met Emily, she was the most beautiful woman I had ever laid my eyes on, and trust me there were a few before her.” 

You smiled softly at him, a smile you saved explicitly for the Hollis family. They were the only ones who had ever been able to capture your heart, aside from your nephew that is. “I bet you were a hit with all the ladies.”

Ric shrugged, “Not as much as you are.”

You rolled your eyes, knowing he was probably right. “It’s not all that it’s cracked up to be.”

Ric nodded, agreeing with you no doubt. 

“There has only ever been one girl worth my time.” You said, your eyes beginning to droop, “And I’ve spent more time pining after her than I have spent with her, but god does she make me wanna be good. Even when she’s not around to see it.” 

“She does have that effect on people.” 

“Another trait from Emily I’m guessing?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Ric asked with mock offense. 

You smirked, “Come on Ric, you and I both know you aren’t the best at charming.” Referring to the time you caught him trying to flirt with Andrea the mailwoman. 

Ric blushed at the memory, “So I’m not the best with words, but how many of us are there that are?”

“You’re looking at one.”

“Oh because you lying in bed drunk off your ass and reeking of cigar smoke really screams lady killer.”

“No, but it does scream desperate young poet.”

Ric rolled his eyes, “Ya know kid, sometimes you make me wanna wish I never chose to father you after your dad passed.” 

“And sometimes you make me wish I never dated your daughter in the first place, she’s entirely too much like you, way more than you give her credit for.” 

You both laughed at your bullshit insults before letting the quiet of the night settle over you.

“I should really get back to Laura, lord knows what happened after we left.” Ric said, beginning to stand.

“Knowing her she’s going to be painting the walls or some crazy shit. She never takes blame very well, even when she is the one at fault.” You said, turning over to get more comfortable.

“I better hurry than before my entire house is covered in streaks.” Ric winked at you, “Get some rest, kid.”

“Night, Ric.”

xXx

You sat at that dining room table late into the night. You sat there long after your father wished you a good night and went to bed, you sat simmering in your thoughts early into the morning thinking over and over whether or not what you were doing was actually what you wanted. 

You had a choice. You had a choice to go back to New York and continue on with the career you fought tooth and nail for, go back to your sizeable apartment that looked out over Central Park. You could choose to go back to the hustle and bustle of the city, where you could go days before seeing anyone remotely familiar on the street. You could do that, it would be so easy to pack up the rest of your clothes and get on a plane and never look back. It would be easy, so familiar you could do it all with your eyes closed. 

Or, you could stay. You could do what was less familiar, you could stick around to see your father grow older and more stubborn. You could stay and fall for the woman who everyone agitated and yet she was the one who brought everyone together for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. She was the heart of Silas without even knowing it. Ask anyone on the street whether they knew Carmilla Karnstein or not and they would respond with a resounding yes and that they loved her just as they would their own kid. With her charm and her grouchiness she won over an entire little town of just as charming and grouchy inhabitants. She did it all without even batting an eye, without trying even just the smallest bit. Carmilla just was, she was everything, from the start of the day to late in the evening she was everything and anything you could ever ask for in a person. From level headed and safe to wild and adventurous, she had it all. She could make you melt with just the smallest inkling of a smile and she could drive you into such a rage you didn’t want to look at her for hours, but she always knew how to draw you back in. 

The longer you thought about it, the more you knew just exactly why you came back to Silas three weeks ago. You came back because there was a part of you missing, a part of you that you had felt its absence for years. Carmilla held a part of you that you could never take away from her. The part of you that made every day worthwhile. She had your heart, your drive, your passion. She had it all, and suddenly that was the part of you that you needed, desired to have back. There was no passion without her, no drive to be good or do good without her, there was no heart without the person who took care of it. 

Suddenly you were standing to your feet and your hands were reaching for your jacket, slipping out into the night before you could even comprehend it, and you were walking down the street, jogging even. Down the back roads and familiar walkways that lead you back to your home with Carmilla. Back to the house that you fell in love with all those years ago. Back to the girl you had completely fallen head over heels for all those years ago.

Reaching for the spare key in the planter next to the back door was commonplace and you were working on adrenaline. It was cold and yet you were hot. You let yourself into your home and nearly took the stairs two at a time upstairs, turning the corner and stopping abruptly. 

You hadn’t been back in your old bedroom since the night you had left five years ago. You had no idea what it looked like now, would the furniture still all be arranged the same way? Would the paint on the walls be the same color? Would the girl asleep in the bed still be yours?

All of a sudden you weren’t sure you could take those final steps back into that room that used to hold so much love. A room that held so much hope and all of the dreams you had together. Dreams of a family and children, of adopting and not adopting, of growing old and working every day towards the people that you wanted to be. 

It would be so easy to turn away now and head back to your father’s. It would be so easy to forget that this had ever happened, that you were about to spill everything and admit fault. It would all be so much easier and far more simple to do that than to do what you actually did, which was put one foot in front of the other and open the door to your old bedroom. 

Carmilla lay asleep in bed, the comforter pulled all the way up to her shoulders, her body a mere shadow in the dark. She was so small, you had forgotten just how small and fragile she actually was when she wasn’t angry. When she wasn’t fighting you every step of the way. You had forgotten just how much of a light sleeper she was too.

“Y’know just cause you’re the sheriff’s daughter, doesn’t mean you can’t get arrested for breaking into people’s homes.” Carmilla said groggily from her place in the bed, not turning to face you just yet.

“It can’t really be considered breaking in when your name is on the lease.” 

“What do you want Laura? I’m tired.”

“I don’t blame you, I’m tired too.” You said, looking around the room. It was exactly the same as you’d left it.

“Then why are you here?” 

“Because I’m tired of more than just the day.” You started, looking down at her. Her back was still facing you, her shoulders stiff beneath the sleep shirt. “I’m tired of missing out on a life worthwhile.” 

“What does that have to do with me?” Carmilla asked, finally turning to face you, and god was she beautiful. 

“What _doesn’t_ it have to do with you?” You asked in return.

Carmilla sighed, sitting up slowly and running a hand through her hair. “You can’t keep saying shit like this Laura and not pulling through.” She looked at you with the saddest eyes you had ever seen. “How am I supposed to know you mean it this time? That you’re not just going to leave when you’re bored?” 

You sat down in the chair facing her that just a few hours prior your father had occupied. “I don’t know how to convince you that I’m telling the truth, that what I feel for you is incomparable to anything else in my life. There’s nothing I can say to erase everything that I’ve done. There’s no words out there to fully express how sorry I am. I hurt a lot of people today, I hurt my father by being a liar, I hurt Danny by not being truthful about my feelings for her, and I hurt you because I was too afraid to be with you.” You swallowed, your voice thick. Carmilla just stared at you blankly, not impressed with you at all. “I hurt you and I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know how to take back everything that I’ve done to convince you not to be with me. I don’t know how to fix it, to make right all of my wrongs, I don’t know anything. I don’t know anything except for a few things.” 

Carmilla continued to stare, her eyes growing wet as she swiped at them with the heel of her hand. 

“I know that I love you. I know that I want to be with you. I know that I’m wrong and that I have a long way before even coming close to you forgiving me for all the things I’ve done. The most important thing I know though?” You wrung your hands together before continuing. “I know that the life I built for myself in New York is not a life I want to live, because it’s a life of survival, a life that’s empty and greedy. It’s a life that has turned me into a person that I don’t want to be. We used to say every night going to bed that we were happy with the result of the people we were that day, and I haven’t been able to say that in years. And the reason I haven’t been able to say that is because the person who made me want to be better wasn’t there. She wasn’t there because I wouldn’t let her be, I drove her away, I ran away from her, I locked her out because I thought that it would be better for us both in the long run, but I was wrong.” 

Carmilla’s brow raised at that last part, something you had to fight so hard not to roll your eyes at.

“I was wrong. I’ll say it a thousand times if you want me to.” You were crying now and there was no use in hiding it because she was too. “I was wrong and it took a lot of being wrong to make me realize just how right you were. You were always right. You have always been right and I just couldn’t see it.” 

Carmilla slowly slipped out from under the covers at your words, her bare feet creaking the floor as she stood. 

“I love you so much that it hurts. Not being with you hurts Carm, and I don’t know what I have to do to be with you, but whatever it is, no matter how long it takes, I’ll do whatever it is you need or want to convince you how much I am not lying right now.” 

Carmilla moved closer to you, lowering to her knees in front of you as a hand reached out for you to take. One touch and you were falling into her, her arms holding you together as you fell apart right before her. 

“I have been lying this entire time. I’ve been lying for years to my dad about how I felt.” You were sobbing now, shaking in Carmilla’s arms. “I am so sorry. So so sorry.” 

Carmilla shushed you, her arms held around you tight. “I believe you.” She held you tighter, her nose pressing into your chest as her chin rested there, listening to your heart beat erratically. “I believe you, Laura.” 

“I love you so much Carm, I don’t know how I ever could have said I didn’t.”

“I know Laura, I’ve been living that feeling my entire life. I’ve been in love with you since the moment I met you, things like that can’t shrivel up and die, and if they could I wouldn’t let it, because like you said, you make me want to be the person that wakes up in the morning knowing just exactly what I want to be like when I go to sleep that night.” Carmilla rocked you slowly, her touch never more comforting than it was in this moment. “We make each other want to be good. We are our best when we’re together.” 

“How could I ever think otherwise?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok guys so that was it! I'm more than sure this is far more different than I had planned in my notes that I still can't get a hold of, but I hope this is better. I hope you are all content with how this story has ended and how hollstein have come back together. Maybe not exactly the reunion you had imagined, but one that needed to happen. They are both so broken, sometimes all that needs to be said are just how wrong you are and just how much you believe them. Stick around for one last chapter, a fluffy little epilogue for all the angst I've put you all through ;) See you around creampuffs <3


	13. Epilogue

Seven Years Later

“Did you ever think we’d actually make it to this moment?” Carmilla asked you softly from where you leaned against her chest. You were both looking down at the most beautiful and quite possibly the most extraordinary thing you had ever made.

“Can’t say I did.” You whispered, afraid to wake the small bundle in your arms. “But I always liked to believe that we’d find our way back to each other and slowly make our way towards this moment.”

“Funny how things are like that.” Carmilla spoke slowly, “Just when you think things can’t get any worse, they get better.” 

Both of you looked down at the small baby girl in your arms and fought back tears. Carmilla had cried all day since you had given birth, ever since the first cry of your child erupted into the air and filled the delivery room, you had both been in hysterics. You had made that sound, you had both created that. 

“Well you’re in for a lot of sleepless nights.” You said with a smile, the image of Carmilla bitching and moaning through the next several months as your daughter woke up crying in the middle of the night. Arguments of whose turn it was being the only normal thing that would last for months to come. 

“As soon as you heal I sure will be.” Carmilla flirted tamely. 

You rolled your eyes, leaning back into her further and chuckled, “Easy there lady killer, don’t need another one of these popping up again too quickly.” 

“Like that could ever happen.” 

“You don’t know what could happen in the long run. I don’t trust LaF not to figure something out.”

“Are you telling me you think LaF will find a way for me to impregnate you?” 

“I’m not saying I _don’t_ think they will.” 

“Perry will have a coronary.” 

You chuckled lowly, afraid to wake the baby who had just found the energy to sleep. “That she will.” 

Carmilla snuggled into you, her nose grazing your shoulder, “Can’t say I don’t like the idea of getting you pregnant though.” 

“Oh yeah?” You asked, looking down at your daughter and smiling. To think that she came from you, already looked like you and had a mean grip on your finger with the strength of your father. You couldn’t wait to see her grow old and turn out to be just like him you hoped. 

“Of course, wouldn’t you?” 

The idea of one day possibly having a child that was equally both yours and Carmilla’s biologically was honestly heart-stopping. “More than anything.”

 

Carmilla kissed your cheek then, resting her chin on your shoulder so that she could look at her daughter with you. “Have you come up with a name for her yet?”

“I think so.” You had taken the day to get to know your little girl, holding her and feeding her, getting lost in the wrinkles of her tiny body and falling more in love with her than you had anything in your entire life. “I’d like to name her Carter.”

Carmilla smiled, her eyes crinkling with glee, “I like that.” 

“You can name the next one okay?” You chuckled, turning to her because she was the second most amazing thing in this world now that she was the mother to your child. 

“Whatever you say, creampuff.” Carmilla smiled once more, the smile never really leaving her face that day. If you didn’t already know her as well as you did, you would’ve been afraid it’d be stuck on her face forever. 

“I love you Carm. We made this.” 

“I love you too Laura, and we most certainly did.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it folks! I wanted to leave the ending pretty much up to your imagination. We've come to terms with the fact that Hollstein had some huge issues to fix and a lot of work needed to be done to their relationship. I'd like you to image whatever conversation they had the following morning over coffee to be whatever you thought it would be. This was the only proper epilogue I could think of. I didn't want to leave it unfinished for too long because than it wouldn't be just that. An epilogue is not the ending to the story, for it is more like a ending to whatever you think happened. And for those of you who have read my other stories, I hope you liked the little Easter egg I threw in here for you ;) I hope you liked the story guys, it truly means the world to me that you've stuck it out for this long. I hope you can accept my choice of ending the story they way I did. This version of Hollstein is far more your version than it is mine anyways, they definitely got away from me in the end. So it is now complete for you guys. Much love and admiration towards you all, I hope you stick around for whatever I come up with next, hopefully it'll be a doozy :)

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts? Opinions? Critiques? I'd love to hear them all!
> 
> You can find me here: thisismyhalfroomcutie.tumblr.com


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